


Life is No Fairytale

by blackrose_17



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Attempted Suicide mentioned, Depressed Jared, Divorce, F/M, Implied Bottom Jared, M/M, Mpreg, Off Screen Child Character death, Pregnant Jared, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:22:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose_17/pseuds/blackrose_17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen Ackles has always wanted to be someone, someone important and that wasn't going to happen in his small town, years after he left he is about to marry a man worthy of him with one little problem he is still married to his first husband Jared.</p><p>With no other choice Jensen returns home to find things have very much changed, and the man he thinks is worthy of him did his best from learning a truth that would have changed everything, now Jensen must prove to Jared and the others that he is serious about winning Jared back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for SPN_J2 Big Bang. I have to thank my lovely artist moonlessnightz for her amazing banner check it out here: http://moonlessnightz.livejournal.com/1658.html.  
> I also need to thank bayani13 for the swift betaing she did. 
> 
> And a very huge thank you to imogen_lily for giving me the plot bunny, being a amazing cheerleader, offering advice and suggestions when I needed them and playing the role as beta as well.
> 
> Any and all remaining mistakes are mine and mine alone. I have also noticed that for some reason certain words are running together, I think I got all of them but please point out any you see that I may have missed. 
> 
> Disclaimer: None of this real, Jensen, Jared and the others all own themselves and to the best of my knowledge none of this ever happened.

** **

_Provincetown, Massachusetts 2009_

_Small town living wasn’t for Jensen Ackles but it did have a few perks. Like right now, he was lying on top of a grassy hill with the night sky so clear the stars and the moon shone the brightest. But the biggest perk was laying so close to Jared that he could feel the heat coming off the young man. Jared Padalecki was the one thing that truly kept Jensen in this small town._

_Jared blinked as the older boy suddenly sat up but he took the moment to admire the way Jensen looked in the moonlight. Jensen never failed to take Jared’s breath away. The man was utterly breathtaking and it made him wonder how long he would be able to have Jensen in his life, he knew that Jensen longed for bigger and better things, things he couldn’t find in Provincetown. He would be soon left behind and he vowed to make sure that whatever time he had with Jensen would be enough to last him a lifetime. While Jensen didn’t believe in one true love and soulmates, Jared did and he had found his in Jensen. Jared would never love another as much as he loved Jensen._

_“I love you Jared,” Jensen declared in a low voice not wanting to disturb the moment between them. The bright dimpled smile that those four words brought filled Jensen with a sense of warmth; he didn’t believe in true love but if he had, Jared just might be his._

_“I love you too.” Jared would never get tired of hearing those words from Jensen nor would he ever get tired of saying them back._

_“Marry me Jay I love you.” Jensen wasn’t sure where the words came from but he knew at that moment he wanted to marry Jared Padalecki._

_It was the last thing Jared ever expected to hear from Jensen Ackles. The man never talked about commitment or where he saw their relationship going._

_“Are you serious?” Jared asked softly. It felt like time was standing still. This was a moment he had dreamed about but never thought would happen._

_Seeing the fear in Jared’s eyes, Jensen reached out his hand and rubbed his thumb gently along Jared’s cheek. “I don’t know what the future holds for us but I do know that I want you as a part of it. So yes, Jared, I mean it. Will you marry me?”_

_Jared’s face lit up into a smile that could outshine the sun. “Yes, I will marry you Jensen Ross Ackles!” Jared declared, throwing himself at Jensen._

_A slight “oof” escaped Jensen’s lips at the sudden attack before he laughed and wrapped his arms around the human that more resembled a puppy at that moment but he didn’t care. All of his dreams of the future, of leaving this small town behind, faded to the back of his mind. A future in this town didn’t seem so bad as long as he had Jared in his life._

_*+++*_

_New York City, 2015_

Jensen Ackles wasn’t sure why he was thinking about his estranged husband Jared or their marriage which had been nothing but a foolish mistake on his part.

 _‘No, that is the past. This is my future. I’m finally marrying a man who can make all my dreams come true,’_ Jensen reminded himself as he straightened his tie once he noticed it was a little crooked in the mirror. This was an important day for him and he had to look his best. After all, it wasn’t everyday that someone announced they were getting married to one of the richest men in America.

Justin Hartley was the kind of man Jensen had dreamed of marrying since he first realized that he was gay. Everyone knew who the Hartley's were; they were America's royal family. There wasn't a generation of Hartley's that hadn't served as Governor and those who didn't go into politics found their star in business or the arts. Jensen could hardly believe that he had lucked out in winning and catching the heart of the youngest Hartley, Justin. The man offered him the world and Jensen would be a fool to turn it down.

He’d never believed in true love. The closest Jensen had ever gotten to it was with Jared but it hadn’t been enough to cure him of his desire, no his need, to shake off that small town and find the place he truly belonged. Jensen had been suffocating in his marriage and in that small town. Marrying Jared had been an impulse and while Jensen could never truly regret it, they were never meant to last. Jensen really did love him as much as he could and he mourned the friendship he’d lost.

“You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders.” A smooth male voice whispered in Jensen’s ear as strong hands came to rest on his shoulders.

For one brief moment Jensen had the feeling that the wrong hands were touching him. They weren’t nearly as strong but still so very gentle. It felt like he was cheating on Jared by letting another touch him.

_‘No. Jared is my past and this man is my future. If anything I am cheating on Justin by thinking of Jared.’_

Shoving all thoughts of Jared out of his mind and back in the past where they belonged Jensen turned his body just enough so he could look up at the man standing behind him. “I was just thinking about the press conference. Today is a big day for us.”

That had Justin smiling. “Indeed it is, I finally get to let the whole world know that I have finally found someone worthy to stand next to me as my husband.”

Bending down he pressed a kiss on Jensen’s cheek, taking the moment to admire how they looked together in the mirror.

 _‘Yes, we certainly make a handsome pair. Jensen is perfect for me.’_ Justin had an image to maintain, he needed someone just as hungry as him and not bound by the idea of true love. He cared about Jensen but he didn’t do love; he did partnerships. All he needed was someone to stand beside him, someone who would get something out of this just like him.

“Ready to become someone?” Justin asked.

Jensen took a deep breath and looked at himself and Justin in the mirror, at the expensive suits they were both wearing, something that the old Jensen could have never afforded, It had been tailored made to fit his body. The ring he wore on his finger, one that Justin insisted he wear, was white gold. It was the complete opposite of the ones that Jared and he had gotten for each other; those had been simple golden bands with a sappy and romantic inscription. _‘Stop it! Stop thinking about Jared. He does not matter anymore. That is the past and this is my future.’_

“I’m more than ready.”

 

                                                                                                                        *+++*  
_Provincetown, Massachusetts, 2015_

_“If you missed the news earlier this afternoon America’s son Justin Hartley, yes that Justin Hartley, has announced he is getting married. The lucky man is up and coming author Jensen Ackles. The couple has been dating for nearly a year, the longest relationship Justin has ever had and many had speculated that Mr. Ackles just might be the one; well it looks like they were right. Here’s wishing them a long and happy marriage.”_

Jared Padalecki-Ackles, _'I guess I'll have to change that,'_ had honestly thought that Jensen walking out on him, ending their three-year marriage, was the worst pain he could have ever suffered. He was wrong. Unable to hear anymore, Jared turned off the radio and took a shuddering breath as he fought to keep his tears in check until he got home where he could break down in private. Right now he had precious cargo in the backseat that he had to get home. A soft whimper reached his ears and that had Jared smiling.

“We’re almost home baby girl,” Jared promised, chancing a glance at his whole world in the mirror. He smiled as he caught a glimpse of sleepy green eyes; green eyes that were exactly same shade as Jensen's.

Jared knew the roads like the back of his hand and that was the only reason he wasn't worried about heading back from his in-law’s place so late at night. Usually these roads were dead. He had no clue how wrong he was. Jared would blame himself for a long time, wishing that he had seen it sooner, wishing that he had seen the truck that ran the red light before it was too late and the front of the truck was slamming into his door. As the two cars slid and flipped Jared had one last thought before darkness claimed him, _‘Jennifer.’_

*+++*  
_  
Six months later_

Jensen Ackles was pissed, more than pissed, he was furious. He was one month away from his wedding, a wedding that was shaping up to be the wedding of the century! They were going to be on Barbara Walters for crying out loud! They were going to be on the cover of Vanity Fair and People! But one thing threatened to ruin it all.

“This can’t be happening! I sent Jared those divorce papers years ago and you’re telling me that he never signed them? You didn’t think that this was important to tell me before I set a date? This is what I pay you for Mark!” Jensen ranted, pacing back and forth in the office of his lawyer.

Mark Sheppard watched Jensen with amusement.

“Don’t wear out the carpet, it’s imported,” Mark informed him as he took a sip of his brandy; after all it was five o’clock somewhere in the world. “As for your estranged husband, I left you messages telling you that he hadn’t signed, but you never got back to me so I thought it was no big deal.”

That had Jensen pausing in his pacing. He couldn’t recall any messages from Mark, but right now that wasn’t important. What was important was that he was still a married man.

“What am I going to do?” Jensen asked as he fell down onto Mark’s couch.

Mark studied his client, he usually didn’t do touchy feely stuff, he was a lawyer he wasn’t supposed to care above making sure those who could afford him stayed out of trouble so they could continue paying for him.

“Well I guess you’re going to have to go home and talk to your darling husband yourself. I’ve tried to get in contact with him; the only time I did manage to talk to someone I was told very creatively what would happen to me if I didn’t leave Mr. Padalecki alone.” Mark knew that Jensen didn’t keep in contact with anyone from his old life, so he was sure that he had no clue what had happen in Jared’s life since he left.

Jensen froze before looking horrified at Mark.

“Wait, you think I should be the one who goes and gets Jared to sign the papers? That’s not my job, that’s your job; it’s what I pay you the big money for.”

Truth was he didn’t want to go back. He couldn’t look Jared in the eyes as he asked for a divorce. He couldn’t be there to see the pain.

“If you want this divorce so badly I suggest you take some time and go down and talk to your estranged husband because he’s not responding to me.” Mark had his doubts about how serious Jensen was in wanting to marry Justin, making sure he was legally divorced should have been at the top of Jensen's to do list, not at the bottom. _'Not that it matters to me, I get paid either way.'_

The idea of going to see Jared, to be the one to ask for a divorce from him, left a hollow feeling in the pit of Jensen’s stomach. He could never stand the idea of hurting Jared. _‘Of course you already did that when you walked out on him, reminding him that he wasn’t enough for you.’_ That little voice at the back of your head, the one who liked to pipe up reminding you when you’ve been an asshole chose to remind Jensen that he had indeed hurt Jared deeply.

There was no way that Jensen was about to agree with the voice in his head as he tried to convince Mark that this was a job for his lawyer.

"I don't have the time to go back to Provincetown. I have the wedding of the year to finish planning! Everything needs to be perfect! Do you know how many people will be there? Do you realize how big of a deal this is? I can't run off to chase down my wayward husband to ask for a divorce and plan the perfect wedding at the same time!" Jensen knew he was being dramatic, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Mark, for his part, looked completely bored. "Well then, darling, you have a problem on your hands. I have my hands full with a rather long and costly divorce coming up; one that is filled with cheating, lies and all those good little things I love. I get to be a bastard and rake my client’s soon-to-be ex-husband across the coals and get Hartley-level money to do so. Now why would I give that up in order to deal with your little domestic problem?" Mark questioned with a raised eyebrow as he took a sip of his brandy.

Jensen hung his head, there really was no getting out of it. He was going to have to go home.

"Cheer up love; you're acting like it's a death sentence." Mark had no clue how true those words were to Jensen.

                                                                                   *+++*  
  
_Provincetown_

In a rarely used room in the house that once was filled with love and laughter but now felt more like a tomb, on an unused desk sat the unsigned divorce papers. A pen rested on top of them, waiting for the owner to find the strength to sign them. Next to the papers sat a much loved stuffed pink bunny, whose color had faded from one too many washes. Its left arm had loose stitches caused by someone dragging it on the ground. Dust collected everywhere but the table and those items on it. This was a room that someone avoided at all costs, for it carried too many painful memories that he was desperately trying to run away from.

*+++*

Right from the start Justin had expressed no interest in planning their wedding. He left all details to Jensen and their very expensive wedding planner. He trusted that they could handle any and all crises that could possibly arise, but he had never imagined Jensen’s estranged husband _‘Jason? Or is it Jeremy? Whatever, it doesn’t matter, but I’m pretty sure it starts with J.’_ His name didn’t really matter to Justin, what did matter and what had him clenching his fist was that Jensen was stilled married to that nobody.

“Damn it, Jensen! We are getting married in a month! How could you have let this happen?” Justin demanded.

 _‘Oh hell no!’_ Jensen wasn’t about to let Justin lay all the blame on him.

“I’ve been the one working his ass off getting this wedding ready, you have been too busy to help. I’ve done everything! I’ve picked the venue, the band, the cake, the menu, I’ve arranged the guest list, a media area, I’ve done everything and you haven’t been lifted one finger to help. So I’m sorry if I’m not perfect. I sent those divorce papers to Jared over a year ago and I let Mark handle everything, how was I to know that Jared hadn’t signed them yet? That’s on Mark, not me,” Jensen snapped back. He wasn't taking the blame for something that wasn't his fault.

For a moment Justin was taken aback by Jensen’s outburst, but he had forgotten that Jensen wasn’t some delicate flower who would roll over and do as he demanded. Jensen had fire that burned hot, it was one of the things that Justin liked about him, and that fire was certainly a plus in the bedroom. _‘Still right now I need to make amends with Jensen; this is a mess easy to deal with.’_ Like a switch that had been flipped, Justin went from angry to smooth. “I’m sorry Jensen; I know you are doing your best and I can’t thank you enough for handling everything,” Justin cooed as he crossed the distance between him and Jensen, pulling the other man into his arms. He didn’t think anything of how tense Jensen was; he would melt soon enough.

“I just want to make you my husband and that can’t happen if you’re still married to another.”

It was no secret that Justin had away with words but for once they didn’t seem to be working on Jensen. Try as he might, Jensen couldn't help but compare this wedding to planning with Jared. When he and Jared had been putting together their wedding Jensen had lost count over how many nights that they had stayed up into the early dawn hours just going over wedding details. It was something he and Justin would never do and part of Jensen was grateful that Justin was nothing like Jared in that regard.

“Mark suggested that I go to Provincetown myself and talk to Jared in person to get him to sign the divorce papers,” Jensen admitted.

Justin forced himself to keep his tongue, he hated being reminded that his perfect Jensen was small town trash. He had done his best to bury that part of Jensen’s past, an effort that Jensen seemed to fully support.

“I hate to say it but maybe Mark is right, it might get done quicker if you show Jason that you’re completely over him. He might be holding out hope that you will come back to him. This will force him to face the truth that what the two of you had is over and he needs to move on with his life like you’re trying to.”

Jensen found himself trying not to bristle as Justin got Jared’s name wrong, he had a feeling on purpose. There was no denying that Justin had a point. It might force Jared to face the truth that he and Jensen were truly over, but Jensen hated the idea of being the one to smash all of Jared’s hopes. His soon-to-be ex was a sensitive soul, but it had to be done.

“You’re right, it might mean more coming from me. I’ll make arrangements in the morning to head down there. I’ll stay only as long as it takes to get Jared to sign then I will be free to become Mr. Jensen Hartley.”

Jensen would never get ahead in life if he kept putting the needs of others before himself. _‘Jared needs to see that we are done. That there is nothing left for the two of us, we both have our own lives and different paths to take.’_

Justin had long ago perfected the art of faking so he had no doubts that the understanding and sympathetic smile he flashed to Jensen looked real.

“It’s for the best Jensen. I’m sure that Erica can handle planning the rest of the wedding. It’s what we are paying her the big money for after all. I’ll even do my best to clear my schedule to be available if Erica has any questions."

Justin had seen Erica and he would have no problem spending long hours working with her. They might actually get around to planning his and Jensen's wedding.

 Jensen let out a sigh and sunk into Justin's hold.

"Alright, I'll book my trip tomorrow and hopefully I can get this all settled in a couple of days." He really disliked the idea of going back to that place he worked so hard to get away from.

Tilting Jensen's head up, Justin pressed a quick kiss to his lips.

"Why don't I help take your mind off your trip? Help you relax a little," Justin asked with a leer.

Since leaving Provincetown and Jared behind Jensen hadn't lived like a monk and normally he would be all over Justin's suggestion. Unlike with Jared where he topped exclusively he and Justin switched, but tonight with memories of Jared fresh in his mind Jensen just couldn't do it. Pulling away, Jensen gave Justin a soft smile hoping he could soften the blow.

"Not tonight. If I'm going to be taking a impromptu vacation I better make sure that all my work is caught up."

Now Justin wasn't used to being turned down but he had to admit that Jensen was being logical about this.

"Perfectly understandable, don't let me keep you from your work."

Jensen did his best to make sure that none of his relief showed on his face. He needed to be alone; to once again be able to bury any lingering feelings he might have for Jared back into the deepest parts of his mind where they belonged.

                                                                                    *+++*  
_Two days later, Provincetown_

Jensen disliked the simple Ford Edge that he had been forced to rent from the rental at the airport, after being behind the wheel of some of the world's most elite cars it was hard to downgrade. Behind his hundred-dollar sunglasses Jensen was able to mask his dislike of being back in this one-horse town. _'It's just for a few days and then I will never have to step foot in this town again.'_

Jensen wasn't ready to face his folks just yet but he needed to gather some info and there was only place in town he could get that.

"Some things never change," Jensen murmured as he pulled into the parking lot of _Ferris_ _,_ the local diner that served as a hangout for all the young people. Jensen remembered spending days and weekends at the place, curled up in the back booth with Jared.

Jensen wondered what kind of welcome he would get. He hadn't left on the best of terms.Hell, he broke not only Jared's heart but also his parents when he rode out of town and that wouldn't put him on too many people's Christmas lists. Jensen wasn't sure how long he sat in the car, unable to make his body move, his fingers drumming on the steering wheel.

"Come on Ackles, you can do this. It's just a small town diner. You've outgrown this town and its opinions of you," Jensen reminded himself as he steeled himself for the confrontations he was sure to face. 

                                                                                    *+++*

It might have been a few years since Jensen last stepped foot in _Ferris_ but nothing had changed. It still had the red vinyl booths that while didn't look like much were still the most comfortable seats that Jensen had ever had the chance to sit in.There was a real jukebox that last time Jensen had been there played. _'I wonder if m_ _y_ _and Jared's song is still on there.'_ Once that thought crossed his mind Jensen shook himself.He had been back in town a few minutes and he was already letting down his defenses.

"The walls are still as white as they were when you left.Now I suggest you sit your butt down and stop blocking my doorway," Samantha Ferris, sole owner of Ferris, piped up pinning with what Jensen knew was her stern look, usually aimed only at troublemakers.

Jensen couldn't help but smile.Some things never changed and at the top of that list would be Samantha Ferris and her kind heart and take no shit attitude.

"Hello Sam, it's good to see you again," Jensen told her truthfully as he took a seat at the counter.

“Damn boy it's good to see you, but honey, you aren’t going to be all that welcomed around here,” Sam warned.She loved Jensen like he was his own, she had watched that boy grow up and he had a special place in her heart.It had broke when he left, but she couldn’t fault him for following his own dreams.What she couldn’t forgive was the way he left Jared behind.That boy was still recovering from losing the love of his life and then that horrible day Jared lost his whole reason for living.

Jensen figured that might be the case but it didn't make it any easier to hear. He just didn't know why it stung he shouldn't care what these small town folks think about him, they were nothing to him.

“You son of a bitch!”

That was the only warning Jensen got before Danneel Harris' punch landed on the side of his jaw and the redhead hadn’t held back.Jensen knew that he was gonna to have a bruise.  Jensen figured he was lucky to stay in his seat. He had seen Danneel knock a football player onto his ass when he couldn't take no for an answer.

“You have a lot of nerve showing up here after three years of no contact with anyone. I guess we’re not worthy of the great Jensen Ackles’ attention,” Danneel sneered at Jensen; there was no trace of the friendship they once shared in her eyes.

Not that Jensen was surprised. When he’d left this town in his rear-view mirror he had known that he would be saying goodbye to all his old friendships. He had burned a lot of bridges when he left.

“Nice to see you too Danni...”

Danneel’s snarl caught him off in mid speech. “Don’t you call me Danni. Only my friends get to call me that and you are no friend of mine Jensen Ackles, not anymore.”

Jensen had known that might be the case but thatdidn’t mean it didn’t sting something deep to know that he had lost a friendship he’d had from first year of high school.

"It's nice to see you again Danneel.You're looking as lovely and feisty as always."

It looked like it took all of Danneel's willpower not to punch Jensen again.

"What are you doing here Jensen? Don't you have some big wedding of the century to be planning?" Danneel wanted Jensen out of town before Jared learned that he was back in town.

"I do,and I don't plan on being here long. I just need to tie up some loose ends and then I will be out of here., Jensen informed Danneel.

Danneel's eyes narrowed.

"Good.The sooner the better. A word of advice Jensen, stay away from Jared. He doesn't need you mess up his life when he's finally starting to move on." Danneel wanted to hurt Jensen as much as he had hurt those, especially Jared, when he left.

 _'Jared's moving on.'_ Jensen wasn't sure why he was having such a hard time wrapping his head around Danneel's words. He should be jumping for joy. This should make getting Jared to sign the divorce papers all that much easier. Then there was another part of Jensen, a part that wanted to roar with jealousy over the idea of Jared belonging to anyone else but him. Jared had been Jensen's for so long that even this long apart couldn't stop the possessive and jealous side of him from coming roaring back to the surface and it took a lot more willpower than it should to shove it back down.

"I'll do my best to keep out of your way," Jensen promised. He really had no plans to interact with anyone but Jared and then he could be out of this small town in a few days.

Danneel gave a sharp nod saying, "See that you do."

She would still be warning the others to keep an eye on Jared to make sure that Jensen got nowhere near him and that Jared never found out that Jensen was in town. Danneel didn’tknow why he was here but she was sure it had something to do with Jared and she would not let Jensen cause anymore damage to Jared.

Jensen watched as the fiery redhead made her exit. She was in full on pit-bull mode and he was going to have to watch his step. Once word got out that he was here to get Jared to sign divorce papers, Danneel wouldn't be the only one coming for his head.

"I take it that I can expect more of that treatment?" Jensen asked Sam.

Sam wanted to lie to Jensen, to tell him that he was welcome here, but she couldn't. She could see the pain in Jensen eyes, despite the mask he wore. He wasn't the only hurting party in this, there was Jared, another boy that held a piece of Sam’s heart, and she knew that many of the townsfolk blamed Jensen for walking away from Jared and not being there for him when Jared reached out in his time of need.

"I'm sorry honey, a lot of people love Jared around here and you leaving the way you did hurt that boy deeply. There are going to be a few overprotective souls that you will run into. The worst being Chris. That boy is overprotective of Jared worse than any guard dog. If you want to have a working jaw for your wedding, stay far away from Chris. I mean it Jensen, you see Chris heading your way you turn the opposite direction." Sam knew that when it came to protecting Jared from all kinds of harm Christian Kane took the role of watchdog very seriously.

That stunned Jensen for a moment. Jared and Chris had never been that close. Not to say that they weren’t friends, they were, but they weren’t that close. _‘It seems things have changed.’_

Jensen had a terrible thought. “Are Chris and Jared more than friends?”

Sam wasn’t sure but she thought she could hear an underlying jealousy in Jensen’s voice. _‘I wonder if your truly as over Jared as you like to claim.’_

“I can’t say. They have the potential to be something more than what they currently are. The feelings are there but neither man has taken that first step. I’d say it’s only a matter of time.”

Jensen wasn’t sure how he should feel at that news. He wanted Jared happy, and he wanted him to move on, but now that he might be Jensen found himself feeling just a little jealous.

“A lot has changed since I’ve been gone. I never thought that Jared and Chris were that close.”

A deep sadness entered Sam’s eyes as she smiled. “Tragedies can bring the most unlikely people together. A lot has changed Jensen, Jared most of all. I love you, Jensen, as if you were my own but I can’t promise you that I won’t smack you upside the head if you hurt that boy again.”

It bothered Jensen more than he thought it would to be cast as the villain in this story. Sure he broke up with Jared, but he wasn’t the first person to leave a partner and he wouldn’t be the last. He was truly sorry that Jared got hurt but everyone knew that he didn’t believe in true love and he’d always dreamed of leaving this one horse town behind.

“I never meant to hurt Jared, but sometimes life takes us down different paths. I will always care about Jared but maybe we are just not meant to be. No matter how much you all want to blame me I am not the villain of this story. I’m just the guy who wanted more out of his life and I’m sorry that it didn’t include Jared but that’s no reason to look at me like I’m lower than scum.”

Sam could only stare at Jensen. “You really have no idea what suffering Jared has gone through since you have been gone. Jared lost a lot more than you and while you leaving cut him deeply he survived and went on with his life. Even though everyone could see he was just a shell of himself, he found a reason to live and then that reason was ripped from him in such a brutal way that we nearly lost him. I would be very careful what you say. There is more to this story then you know. You might want to start with your family. Ask them how many times they came to visit and were turned away by your fiancé,” Sam suggested.

That confused Jensen. He hadn’t seen his family in years. He had sent invite after invite and at first they came but when he got involved with Justin he began to lose all contact with them. He had been hurt at first but Justin had pointed out to him that they never seemed to understand why he had left.It seemed that they were just waiting for him to come back home to Jared. He had Justin, he was his new family and if no one from his old life could understand that, well then that was their loss. Justin kept telling him that he didn’t need them and sometimes Jensen believed him, it made the loneliness in his heart a little less.

Sam could see the walls coming up in Jensen’s eyes, she wasn’t sure how this Justin fellow blinded Jensen so badly. _‘There is something fishy about this Justin fellow.Oh Jensen, what happened to you? Can’t you see that caring about people and love is not a sign of weakness?’_

Sam wanted to say something but it wasn’t her place, Jensen was going to have a big wake-up call when he met Jared and learned just what his estranged husband had been through these years, just what he had lost.

“I know you came here for a reason, a reason that most likely involves Jared and I'm saying this to you because I do love you and care about you Jensen. Be very careful when approaching Jared. He's not the same boy he was when you left him. He is a shell of his former self. Be careful with him."

Jensen's eyes narrowed as he growled out in a protective tone that many had gotten use to when it came to Jared, "What do you mean a shell of himself?"

There was no way his leaving could have damaged Jared that badly, he was too strong to let a little heartbreak destroy him.

Jensen had always hated it when anyone looked at him with pity and there was no denying that was what was in Sam's eyes as she looked at him and informed him, "Oh honey, you have no idea what you are walking into."

A frustrated sigh escaped Jensen's lips, he was getting really tired of this game of riddles. "I might if you would just tell me or at least give me a hint of what has happened to Jared!"

Sam could not break the trust Jared had placed in her.

"It's not my story to tell. Only Jared can tell you. Or you could talk to your family. They have more right to tell you then I do. It affected them almost as much as it did Jared."

With Danneel already knowing he was in town it was just a matter of time before word spread. While Jensen knew that he would have to see his family some time during this visit, he had hoped to do so on his last day here or at least after he talked to Jared. Now it looked like he would be stopping to visit them next.

"Thanks for the advice and for not kicking me out when I first stepped foot in your diner but if I want answers I guess I better go talk to my parents." That was a conversation that Jensen was dreading to have.

Sam knew that Jensen leaving had not only deeply hurt Jared but Alan and Donna Ackles as well. There was a lot of hurt there, it made Sam wonder just how deep it went on both sides.

"Your family will be happy to see you again Jensen trust me on that. And if you want answers they are the best place to start."

Running a hand through his hair, Jensen growled. He knew there was no putting this meeting off.

"Thanks Sam, I'll see you later."

"You're always welcome here, Jensen, you should know that. But one last word of advice. If I was you I'd also watch out for JD. He didn't take to you breaking the heart of his nephew all that well," Sam warned.

Jensen actually winced at the mention of the town's sheriff. The man had never really approved of his relationship with Jared. Jeffrey Dean Morgan had raised Jared after his sister, Jared's mom, and Jared's dad had been killed in a car accident when Jared was five. JD was Jared's hero and he loved Jared as if he was his own son. JD had put the fear of god and gun into Jensen when he had broken Jared's heart. It was safe to say that he was at the top of JD's shit list.

"How badly does JD want my head?"

"Well, let's put it this way. If you see JD across the street, run.Run as fast as you can and don’t stop until you reach the other side of town," Sam suggested.

"Yeah, that's what I figured. Thanks for the advice Sam."

This trip was turning out to be more trouble than it was worth. _'Jared why couldn't you just sign the divorce papers when I first sent them to you? It would have saved us both a lot of trouble.'_


	2. Chapter 2

The very moment she left Sam's Danneel was on her phone sending out an S.O.S. to everyone, well almost everyone, on her contact list. There was a very good reason that she didn't send a message to Jared and JD. She might not be too happy with Jensen, and she would love a chance to punch him again as it was extremely therapeutic, but she didn't want him dead and that is what would happen if JD got his hands on him. As for Jared, well, it was obvious there was no way they could let Jared meet Jensen without warning and there was no way that she was letting them meet until she was sure that Jared was strong enough to face Jensen.

Danneel was not at all surprised when the first person to respond to her text was Chris. "Oh yeah this will be fun," Danneel muttered under her breath as she swiped her cell screen and took the call, making sure to keep the phone far away from her ear.

"What the hell do you mean that bastard is back? Has Jared see him?!" Christian Kane’s voice roared over the phone. At that moment Danneel was glad that she had enough sense to hold the phone out.

"Well hello to you too, sunshine. Thank you for nearly making me deaf. I wouldn't send out that kind of S.O.S. as a joke. I saw him at Ferris’ even managed to land a punch on him. It felt good," Danneel admitted.

"I hope you broke his jaw," Chris’ mutter came over the line. “If you didn’t I would be more than willing to finish the job.”

Danneel was starting to question if she should have left Chris off the S.O.S. list as well. It was no secret that out of everyone in town Chris was Jared’s own personal white knight, or in this case she guessed he would better be described as a white cowboy.

“No, Chris, I didn’t break his jaw. Look, I know you’re angry. Hell, I’m just as angry and I wouldn’t mind another go at Jensen, but right now what we need to worry about is Jared. We both know that there is only one reason Jensen might come back.”

There was silence over the line and then Chris let out a rather explosive and impressive curse, one that Danneel reminded herself to remember for future use.

“To get Jared to sign those damn divorce papers so he can marry that jackass of his. This is going to kill him, Danni,” Chris said, voicing Danneel’s greatest fears.

A choke sob made its way out of Danneel’s mouth before she could stop it. She knew that Chris was right. Jared was so fragile right now. He was getting better but this could destroy any progress that he had made.

“We can’t lose Jared again. We’re just starting to get him back, this could destroy him.” Danneel didn’t want to bury someone else she loved, not so soon.

“We’ll run interference as best we can, keep Jared from any unexpected run-ins with Jensen until we are sure that Jared is strong enough to see him again.”

Danneel knew she was grasping at straws, there was no real way that she could keep Jared and Jensen apart or keep Jensen’s arrival in town a secret for very long. It was bound to get to Jared sooner than they would like.

“Danni...” Chris drawled out slowly.

A laugh escaped Danneel as she shook her head, reaching up to wipe the tears she didn’t realise she was crying until she tasted the salty tear on her bottom lip.

“I know, I know, Chris, I’m fooling myself in thinking we could keep Jared safe from this. He’s just been through so much these last few years that I’m not sure how much more he can take before it comes too much. I can’t see Jared in another hospital room, not like that again.” Danneel was grateful that she hadn’t attempted to leave the parking lot of _Ferris_ because there is no way that she was in any shape to drive anywhere.

“None of us want that to happen and we won’t let it. Chad booked it over to Jared’s. They had plans tonight and Chad is going to do his best to convince Jared that it’s better for them to stay indoors tonight,” Chris informed her.

Danneel couldn’t stop herself from wincing. She liked Chad in a weird sort of way. He was Jared’s best friend and the two were like a pair of puppies, if one was an adorable, sweet, if hyper puppy, while the other was the one who would rip up your flower garden and chew up all your good shoes. If you were friends with Jared, Chad was a part of the deal, no matter how much you tried to fight it, but he did have his uses. He was extremely protective over Jared and Danneel honestly thought that Chad was the one Jensen should look out for. He had to be tied down until they were sure that he wouldn’t go off and try and kill Jensen when he left Jared.

“I’ll get Steve and we’ll head over to Jared’s, give Chad some back up. He is really no good at lying or keeping things from Jared.” Danneel figured that the more backup Chad had the less likely it was for Chad or one of them to spill the beans of Jensen back in town.

“Good idea. I’ll head over there now, try and keep Chad from accidently saying something and preparing Jared for the impromptu get together he is suddenly throwing,” Chris muttered, his voice sounding a little distant. Danneel figured that he was looking for his keys.

“Chris? Jared will get through this okay, won’t he?” Danneel asked, finally voicing her fear.

“We’re going to do our best to ensure that he is. We’ll support him every step of the way, we won’t let him break,” Chris vowed and Danneel wished that she had the faith that Chris had.

“I always thought that Jared and Jensen were one of those couples just destined to be together, whatever life threw at them. I really believed that nothing could truly drive them apart. I guess I was wrong,” Danneel said.

She couldn’t remember ever seeing two people more in love than Jared and Jensen, even if Jensen did spout off about how he didn’t believe in soul mates and true love. It was clear to everyone who looked at Jensen that he really did love Jared. _‘So what changed? When did Jared, when did_ we _, become not enough for you, Jensen?’_

Danneel hoped that Jensen would stick around long enough so she could finally get the answers that he owed them. There was no denying that someone was going to be hurt in the coming days and she feared it was going to be Jared.

                                                                                                                                         *+++*

Slowly slipping at his whiskey Justin Hartley stared out the window of his penthouse suite, enjoying the view he was offered. He was a man who always got what he wanted and Jensen Ackles had been no different. The aspiring writer had been so easy to seduce, to lure into his bed with sweet promises of making him someone.

There was no doubt that Jensen was the perfect person to be at his side. He just didn’t like the idea of Jensen being out of his reach. Jensen would be angry once he learned of Justin’s deception. _‘I will have a lot of damage control to do once Jensen gets back from that little town of his.’_

Justin utterly loathed the idea of sending Jensen back to that small town he came from. He had spent a lot of time molding Jensen into the perfect partner for himself. He would hate for one visit to undo all his hard work.

 _‘Jensen is mine. I have worked too long and too hard cutting all ties with his past and I will be damned if I let that estranged husband of his sink his claws back into Jensen.’_ Jensen could spout all he wanted about not believing in true love but Justin wasn’t a fool. Anyone with eyes could see that Jensen was still in love with his estranged husband. Justin couldn’t deny that Jared was handsome and if he could swing it he wouldn’t mind having the man in his bed for a tumble, but he would be damned if he let some human puppy take what he decided was his.

                                                                                                                                      *+++*

It seemed like a lifetime to Jensen since the last time he stood on his parents doorstep. The last time he was here was the day he announced he was leaving town. He had never forgotten the look of pain in his mother’s eyes as he told them that they weren’t enough for him, that he needed more in his life. He walked out on his family and Jared that day and never looked back.

Jensen wasn’t sure how long he stood there trying to work up the courage to knock. _‘Will they even be happy to see me? So far it hasn’t been going in my favor; I seem to be the town leper if Danneel is an indication. Of course, in their eyes I am the villain. After all I’m the one who abandoned poor Jared and his family, because it’s so wrong for me to want to make myself somebody? Again, it’s not like I’m the first person to leave their partner.’_ Jensen hadn’t lied to himself thinking that he would be welcomed back with open arms but this was getting ridiculous!

As Jensen was beginning to fume he didn’t notice the car pull up behind his or the figure that got out of the car and stalked towards him with purpose in every step he took.

 

Josh Ackles loves his brother, he really does, but in the end that love didn’t stop him from letting his fist fly and connecting with Jensen’s cheek once he was close enough.

“Damn it! What the hell is with everyone hitting me today?” Jensen demanded as he rubbed his cheek. He was just grateful that Josh had hit him on the same cheek as Danneel had. He didn’t need two swollen cheeks this close to his wedding.

“So who got first shot, Danneel or Chad? I know it wasn’t JD or Chris because then we would be having this conversation at your hospital bed.” There was no doubt in Josh’s mind that Chris and JD would have laid Jensen out flat and a black eye or swollen cheek would be the least of Jensen’s worries.

There was no way that Jensen was going to tell his brother that it was Danneel who laid him out. He would never live it down.

“Did I miss the memo when people greeted others with a punch instead of a hello?” Jensen demanded, while glaring at his brother. If this was the way others were going to greet him it was no wonder that he didn’t come back for a while.

Josh stared at his brother for a moment. He wasn’t sure how this man standing before him was the little brother that he had watched grow up.

“No, only the ones who leave and never bother to keep in contact with their family,” Josh said, remembering the utter devastation that Jensen’s leaving had caused their parents not to mention Jared.

“What are you doing here, Jensen? I thought we weren’t good enough for you, now that you had your perfect new life,” Josh sneered at his brother, all the hurt and pain he was feeling at Jensen’s abandonment came rushing to the surface.

Jensen was surprised at the bitterness and pain in his brother’s voice and to hear that his brother really felt that way. “I’m sorry, Josh. You, mom, dad, and Mac were more than enough. It was me who wanted more.”

Josh’s eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his chest. He took in the blue polo shirt, tan khaki pants and tan loafers. If Josh wasn’t so pissed off at his brother he might have laughed at the fact that his jeans-wearing little brother had turned into the perfect poster of snob city.

“And what about Jared? Wasn’t he enough for you? That boy loves you and for you to dismiss him like he was nothing, I don’t think I hit you hard enough,” Josh growled under his breath.

 

Jensen knew he had made an error in not mentioning Jared’s name even before his brother’s rant.

“No! I never said that Jared wasn’t enough for me! Did you ever stop to think that maybe I wasn’t good enough for him?!” Jensen shouted.

Josh could only stare at his brother. Of all the things he had been prepared to hear from Jensen, that was not one of them. _‘Maybe my little brother is still in there underneath this new Jensen. But I’m not sure if he’s willing or even sees all the damage he caused when he left.’_

“Well you might be right about that. Jared always was a little out of your league.”

“Listen, I didn’t come here to cause trouble, I just need to wrap up a few things before my wedding. I’m sure you’ve heard all about it, after all. All the major news events are going to be covering it,” Jensen couldn’t help but brag, just a little.

Josh couldn’t look more unimpressed if he tried. “Yeah, I might have heard something about that. It would have been nice to get a invite to my brother’s second wedding. Even if I think he’s making a mistake it would have still been nice to know that I, that we, matter enough to you.”

For a moment Jensen could only open and close his mouth, how was he suppose to explain to his brother that the reason he wasn’t invited, that none of their family or any of Jensen’s old friends weren’t invited because they weren’t the right type. A Hartley wedding is a major event in America and only the who’s who were invited.

“I never meant to hurt anyone. It’s just been clear to me that you don’t approve of Justin. That you’re all comparing him to Jared and that’s not fair to him. I’m sorry Jared got hurt but I don’t arrange my life or needs around what Jared wants. Jared’s life is no longer any of my concern and I can be just as selfish as he is. After all, he was the one who refused to sign the divorce papers. I’m not sure why. He has more than enough proof that I have moved on from him.”

This time Jensen was on the ground before he even realised that Josh had thrown another punch. Josh towered above Jensen using the little extra height he had to loom over his brother.

“You’re right. You have no idea what has been happening in Jared’s life so that’s why I didn’t break your jaw. You have no idea what hell Jared has been through these last few months and if he wants to be selfish, well he has earned it. Until you know the full story I suggest you keep comments like those to yourself, otherwise you are going to piss a lot of people off. Jared has the town’s support and love behind him, something you don’t. Many people see you as the villain in this story and bragging about your flashy and fancy new life is only going to make things worse for you.”

Josh might be angry. Oh, and was he angry with his brother, but he didn’t want Jensen to make things worse for himself than they already were.

“People keep telling me that. What horrible thing could have possibly happened to Jared that made the whole town into his protector?” Jensen was getting really tired of riddles and he wanted some answers.

Josh shook his head and genuinely looked sorry as he told Jensen, “I’m sorry, bro, but I can’t give you those answers. They’re not mine to give. You’re going to have to man up and get them from Jared because it is his story and his story only to tell.”

Jensen’s eyes narrowed. It would seem that his soon-to-be ex would be getting a visit sooner than Jensen had planned.

“Oh trust me. After I’ve talked to mom, dad, and Mac, Jared is the next place I plan on visiting.”

Remembering Danneel’s S.O.S. text, Josh raised an eyebrow.

“I would suggest holding off your visit until tomorrow unless you want to see how your face would survive a run in with Chris, Steve, and Chad, not to mention Danneel a second time. They’re all hanging out at Jared’s place tonight and that’s a crowd that is not Jensen Ackles friendly right now,” Josh warned his brother.

“Look I get it. It’s Jared story but you’re not even going to give me some clue as to what I could have possibly done that turned the whole town against me? I think I have a right to know,” Jensen pointed out. He was getting really sick and tired of these games people seemed to be playing with him.

“Let’s make Jensen the bad guy but not tell him why he’s the bad guy. Sure. Seems fair to me.”

Josh’s eyes went distant as he spoke in a low voice that cracked as if he was holding back his tears.

“It was bad Jensen, real bad. It nearly did what your leaving couldn’t. It destroyed Jared.”

That worried Jensen. He knew that Jared would take his leaving hard but he had no idea that it would be this bad. He had no clue as to what could have been so much worse that it nearly destroyed him. Jared was one of the strongest people Jensen had ever known. If it was anyone else Jensen might think that they were being overly dramatic but since this was Jared they were talking about he just couldn’t see it. Jared didn’t have it in him to act like that and neither did Josh.

“Was it really that bad?” Jensen almost didn’t want to know the answer.

Josh didn’t hesitate as he looked his brother in the eye and stated the absolute truth, “Yes it was that bad. But if you want to know any more you need to ask Jared, not me.”

Josh couldn’t break the confidence that Jared had placed in him, in their family. It had taken a lot of time to regain the bond they thought was lost to them.

From the moment that they laid eyes on the bright, hazel-eyed young boy at the age of three Alan and Donna Ackles had all but adopted Jared. The cheerful boy who had captured their son’s heart along with theirs.

When Jensen left them all behind the remaining Ackles had been so sure that Jared would not want anything to do with them as well. To Donna and Alan it felt like they were losing two sons instead of one. Of course it never crossed their minds that Jared was thinking that they blamed him for chasing Jensen away and that they never wanted to see the man who drove their son away ever again. 

Thankfully they had some caring friends who refused to watch both sides suffer through misplaced guilt. Josh was forever thankful that Sam, Jim, Danneel, and Steve refused to sit back and let his parents and Jared suffer for something that wasn’t their fault. Jared had truly needed the support of the Ackles family for what lay ahead of him.

“I think that before you meet with Jared you should talk to mom and dad. Let one of them tell him that you are back in town. Give the poor guy some warning, it’s the least you can do,” Josh commented.

He really did think that learning Jensen was back would be better coming from Donna. If there was one person in town scarier than JD it was Donna Ackles, something that would come in handy if Chris or JD decided that they were out for Jensen’s blood.

Given what he was hearing Jensen had to agree with his brother. Letting their mom tell Jared he was back in town was probably the best way to go.

“How angry are they with me? Do they hate me?” Jensen wasn’t sure if he could handle having his mom and dad hating him.

“They don’t hate you Jensen. I don’t hate you. I think mom and dad are more disappointed than anything else. I’m not going to lie, I’m very angry with you for how you treated us and Jared before you left. I don’t know why you’re here but I have a feeling it has to do with those divorce papers you sent to Jared, the papers that he never got around to signing. You’re here to divorce Jared, aren’t you?” Josh asked. He remembered the look of devastation in Jared’s eyes when he had told them that Jensen had sent divorce papers.

Jensen steeled himself as he lifted his head to meet his brother’s gaze head on; he wasn’t going to let anyone make him feel guilt for divorcing Jared.

“I am. I can’t get married to Justin while I’m still married to Jared. So yes I am here mainly to get Jared to sign the papers.”

“That’s not going to make you real popular around these parts. Jared always had that real protective vibe around him and it’s only gotten worse this past year. I hope that skin of yours is thick enough to deal with the backlash you’ll receive if people realize that you only returned to town to break the heart of our puppy even more.”

Josh wasn’t sure how he felt about this news. He loves Jensen, he does, but he doesn’t like the person his brother is turning into.

“I really don’t care what people here think. Unlike you, I don’t need the townsfolk approval. So if I’m going to divorce Jared I can damn well divorce Jared!” Jensen hadn’t realized that he was shouting or that the door to the house behind him had opened.

\--

“You big jerk, Jensen! How can you treat Jared like this?” Mackenzie Ackles demanded as she stalked down the front steps.

Mackenzie had been in her room studying when she heard raised voices. One she recognized as her older brother, Josh, and the other voice…it had taken a while to place, mainly because it was a voice she had been so sure that she would never hear again. Growing up she had always been in awe of Jensen and Jared’s seemingly fairy-tale romance. Then suddenly one day they weren’t enough and that hurt. It stung so deeply to know that the brother she looked up to didn’t want to be around them. For so long Mackenzie had blamed herself, wondering what she could have done to be a better little sister.

It had taken Jared pulling her aside explaining in a soft tone that she had done nothing wrong; Jensen had big dreams, ones that couldn’t be achieved in their home town. She was the best little sister anyone could hope to have and just because Jensen had to leave it didn’t mean that he loved Mackenzie any less.

Mackenzie had never given up hope that Jensen would come back, would return to save Jared from the depression that he had fallen into. She wanted Jensen to once again be Jared’s white knight and save him from himself. But hearing Jensen so coldly announce that the only reason he was back was to divorce Jared shattered her heart. She didn’t care who this Justin was. He had no right taking the role that belonged to Jared and Jared alone.

Looking at his little sister it hit Jensen hard how much he had missed in the last three years that he had been away. “Hello Mac...” Jensen started only to be cut off.

“Don’t you dare call me Mac! Only my family can call me that! You lost that right when you ran away like a coward. I should have known that you would only come back to hurt Jared again Haven’t you done enough to him? I thought you actually cared about him yet you treat him like he is beneath you! If that’s how you show someone you care I’m better off without it!” Mackenzie snarled at her brother, the tears she had been holding back starting to fall down her cheeks.

Jensen couldn’t find the words to stop his sister from rushing back into the house. The slamming of the front door made Jensen wonder if that was a symbol of the end of his relationship with his sister. He didn’t want to show it but her words really stunned him.

“She really loves Jared, doesn’t she?”

“You know that Jared has always been another big brother to Mac. When you left it was Jared who got through to Mac that just because you left it didn’t mean that you loved her any less. They got even closer a while back and Mac has taken up the role of Jared’s protector. You should have heard the shovel speech she gave to Chris when he started hanging around Jared more. It was rather terrifying, actually, she’s been taking lessons from Danneel.” Josh couldn’t blame his sister for her response. She and Jared had gotten even closer after Jensen left.

Jensen froze as once again someone brought up Chris and Jared getting close to one another. He wasn’t sure why the idea bothered him so badly. He should be glad that Jared was getting closer to someone else. It would be much easier to get him to sign the divorce papers if Jared had a new man in his life, but still he felt a small emotion churning in his stomach, one he flat out refused to say was jealousy.

“You aren’t the first person to tell me that Chris has been getting cozy with my soon-to-be ex. It’s funny they never seemed that close to me before, what changed?”

Nobody could miss the jealousy and possessive growl in Jensen’s voice as he asked about Jared’s relationship with Chris and Josh couldn’t help himself but dig a little more.

“Well, nothing has happened between Jared and Chris yet, but many believe that it is only a matter of time before they cross that line from friends into something more. I mean I’m not saying that they couldn’t be more but neither have taken that step.” Josh’s gaze went distant as a flash of pain and grief appeared so fast in his eyes that Jensen almost thought he imaged it.

“Jared was far too fragile to even think about romance. He still is but I’m just glad he had Chris’ support through all of this.”

_‘Support during what? What was so bad that has everyone acting like Jared is some delicate flower?’_

Jensen wasn’t completely heartless. He still cared about Jared and wanted to offer what support he could. Considering he was here to get the guy to sign divorce papers, there wasn’t much support he could offer to him. _‘But still it’s the thought that counts right? I want Jared and I to at least be able to salvage some part of the friendship we had before we let a silly thing like love ruin it.’_

Yes, Jensen was sure that while they would never able to be the best friends they once were, in time Jared would accept his offer of friendship. But Jared would have to wait. First, Jensen had to sooth the ruffled feathers of his family and explain to them just why he had agreed with Justin’s declaration that they not come to the wedding. Jensen forced a bright smile on his face as he asked, “So what time will mom and dad be home?”

Josh wasn’t sure what game Jensen was playing but he knew that once Jensen learned the truth about what happened his perfect world with Justin might not seem as shiny.

“Shouldn’t be long. I’m sure that by now both mom and dad have heard you’re back.” _‘And are probably trying to figure out if they should talk to you first or go warn Jared you are back?’_

                                                                                                                                 *+++*

Only someone living completely cut off from the outside world would not have heard about the wedding between Jensen Ackles and Justin Hartley. So when Sam phoned Donna Ackles to warn her that her son was back in town,she knew why. It was to get Jared to sign the divorce papers he had sent months ago, only adding pain to Jared’s already suffering soul.

She loved her son, but right now she wanted to smack him. Three years ago he had dropped out of their lives. There were nights that Donna feared him dead when the phone calls stopped coming. She was terrified that her son was dead in a ditch or laying unclaimed in a morgue somewhere.

Then Jensen started showing up in magazines pictured alongside Justin Hartley of all people. Donna was thrilled her son was still alive but oh, so, angry with him that he couldn’t even pick up a phone and call his poor mother to let her know that he was alive.

There was no doubt in Donna’s mind that she would be giving Jensen a great big hug after she let him have the lecture she had been saving up for the moment she saw her son again. Her eyes landed on a picture that sat at the corner of her desk and her heart broke for the man in it.

“Oh my poor sweet Jared,” she murmured, as she carefully lifted up the silver frame and let her fingers trace across the smiling face of Jared first and then the little girl with a smile to match her dad’s. Donna Ackles didn’t envy her son-in-law in the slightest. How does one tell someone that they had a little girl they never knew about who was cruelly stolen by death?

Her heart ached for both men, for her son Jensen who never even got the chance to meet his daughter and for her other son who would have to reopen those wounds while licking the new ones that Jensen’s demand for a divorce would cause. Lifting her eyes up towards the roof Donna whispered a small prayer, “I know this might be asking a lot, but if you could figure out away to give both my boys a happy ending I would forever be grateful.”

She knew it was probably a long shot. Someone was bound to get hurt.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Chad knew that Jared was wasn’t sure why his best friend decided that he didn’t want to go out but instead invite some of their friends over, but then Jared never knew what Chad was thinking half the time. Today was no different. 

“Chad, why are we suddenly having a party when you finally convinced me to go out? Weren’t you the one who told me that I needed to be getting out more and here you are telling me that our plans are off and we are having people over instead?”

Chad Michael Murray might be a douchebag, a giant douchebag in fact, but that didn’t change the fact that he was extremely loyal and protective of those he really did care about. And at the top of that small list was his best friend from childhood Jared. In Chad’s eyes his Jaybird really did need protecting and someone to look out for him. Jared’s heart was so kind and caring that Jared too often got it trampled on as he let people walk all over him. So when Chad learned that the man responsible for some of the biggest heartache in Jared’s life was here... well, there was no way that Chad wasn’t going to have words with one Jensen Ross Ackles.

So while Chad hated lying to Jared this was for a good cause. There was no way that he was going to let Jared go out, not while he was unaware that his jerk of an ex was around.

“Yes, I am the one who told you that and dude I still stand by it, but circumstances have forced a change of plans. Trust me, you’ll thank me later,” Chad promised Jared.

Jared looked doubtful at his friend like he wasn’t sure if he should believe him or not. But if Chad was hiding something from him it wouldn’t be hard to figure out. His best friend was horrible at hiding secrets and it didn’t take much to get him spilling the beans.

“Alright, if you say so but remember, Chad, I will get the truth from you sooner than later.” Jared told his friend.

Chad waited until Jared wandered back into the kitchen all the while muttering about having enough snacks to feed their friends before whispering under his breath, “Trust me Jaybird I know you’ll figure out what we are hiding but just let us protect you a little longer.”

Chad really hoped that the others got here soon; they would be able to help him distract Jared.

As if his prayers had been answered, the doorbell rang. Chad was sure that his rather loud, “I’LL GET IT!” frightened Jared but right now he didn’t care. He needed back-up to help form a plan.

Christian Kane scowled at the closed door, wishing that someone would hurry up and let him in already. He had made it his sole duty to keep Jared functioning, to not let him fall back into the black hole of grief that he had been so close to letting consume him. He didn't coddle Jared like so many of the others did. If Jared needed coddling they would have sent Danneel or Sandy but it had been JD who called him. Now that in itself was a warning sign, everyone knows what Jared means to JD and for him to be the one to call Chris. That had happened only twice and both times Chris had to talk a broken Jared down from the edge.

The door flew open, breaking Chris from his thoughts. Chad had beat him here but he was a little surprised when he was dragged into Jared’s house, a panicked look in Chad’s eyes. “Damn it man! Let me go!” Chris snarled at Chad. “What the hell is your issue?”

Normally Chad would love being so close to Chris but right now he had more important things on his mind as he shook his head. “No time, Jared is starting to ask why we suddenly changed plans. He knows me man. He’s looking for ways of making me talk. I can’t be the one to tell him that he’s back. I just can’t.”

Neither Chris nor Chad had noticed that Jared had left the kitchen to join them until he asked, “Tell me who’s back?”

Jared looked between the two men. Chris looked as calm and collected as ever. Chad, on the other hand, looked like he was about to faint and Jared worried about how pale his best friend was.

“Chad, are you okay?” Jared asked.

Chad waved off his best friend’s concerns. “I’m okay, you just startled me a little. Weneed to get you a freaking bell. For someone not usually so gracefully or quiet you were suddenly very ninja like. Has Katie be giving you lessons again? I swear that girl is a menace,” Chad grumbled under his breath.

“Hey man, don’t worry about Chad. He’s just being Chad. Why don’t you take a seat and we’ll finish getting everything ready?” Chris suggested, giving Jared a pointed look. He had seen Jared starting to limp and he knew once again he had over done it.

A purely sheepish look that was all Jared entered his eyes as he rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t bother trying to lie to Chris, the man always saw through him.

“That would be great. My leg has been giving me a little trouble today. I guess it was a good thing that Chad suddenly decided we stay in. I don’t think I could have handled a crowded place like Katie’s Kit Kat Bar tonight.”

In a way Jared was grateful for the sudden change of plans even if it meant his place had to survive one of Chad’s parties. He had been planning on cancelling. It wasn’t that he didn’t love spending time with his friends, he did, but ever since the accident and his break down he hadn’t ventured out much. Only Danneel and Momma Ackles really got him to socialize anymore and that was simply because he could never say no to either of them.

Chris and Chad watched as Jared made his way over to his couch, neither offering help, knowing that Jared would turn it down. The only people who could mother him were Donna, Mackenzie, and Danneel, and the rest knew that Jared wasn’t being stubborn he just didn’t want to show any weakness to them.

“How are we going to tell him? This is going to rock his world again. I’m not sure how much more of this he can take,” Chad murmured in a low voice.

He had seen Jared at his lowest, when he had just given up the will to live. It had been a fight to get their Jared back and, for the most part, it was clear that he was on the path of healing. But there were those days when Jared would get that far-away look in his eyes and sink into a depressed state that no one, not even those animals he worked with, could get him out of.  Chad feared, and with good reason, that learning the man he was still in love with was back in town looking for a divorce might just break Jared, and this time there would be no putting him back together.

“That’s not all. Jared’s going to have to tell Jensen about Jennifer.” Chris had a good idea of how his former friend was going to react to the news and it wasn’t going to be pretty at all.

Chad winced; it was going to be brutal once Jensen learned the truth.

“Is there nothing we can do for him?” Chad asked in a low voice.

Chris shook his head. As much as he would like to be there for Jared and protect him from what was coming, they couldn’t. This was something Jared was going to have to do. “All we can do is be there for him, offering him our support.”

“That sucks. Can I at least punch him if he’s too much of a jerk?” Chad asked with a pout on his lips that would do any three-year old proud.

A small smile twitched at the corners of Chris’ mouth, “Oh yeah, trust me you’ll get a shot.”

Chad gave a nod, “That’s all I ask, he has it coming.”

Chad patted Chris on the shoulder. "Why don't you go keep Jared company while I finish up in here and wait for Danneel and Steve?"

Chris looked at Chad and then back over to Jared's retreating form. "If you're sure you can handle it?"

Chad forced a smile onto his face. It broke his heart each time he forced Chris and Jared together but Chris was good for Jared and he was willing to push aside his own chance at happiness for a chance to make Jared happy. "Yeah, I got this. Go cheer up our sad puppy."

"Thanks man." Chris patted Chad on the shoulder before heading off after Jared.

Once Chris was out of sight Chad let his shoulders drop. "Yeah sure it's no problem." _'What's a broken heart next to your and Jared's happiness?'_

                                                                                                                                               *+++*

Since he’d entered the house Jensen swore the temperature had dropped several degrees with the cold shoulder Mackenzie was giving him. Josh had been no help, just shrugging his shoulders and giving a silent, _What did you expect?_ Jensen knew he wouldn’t be getting a warm welcome but this was downright ridiculous. 

Jensen was tired of waiting for the answers that his family didn’t seem inclined to give him.

“Thank goodness we live in the age of technology,” Jensen muttered under his breath as he booted up his laptop and quickly entered Jared’s name into the search engine. If something major had happened to Jared it no doubt would have made the news.

Resting his hand on his chin Jensen scrolled through the articles until his eyes caught sight of one.

“What the hell? Why would Jared’s name be in the birth announcements?” Clicking on the article he began reading.

_On April 10 t,h 2013, Jared Padalecki welcomed daughter Jennifer Annabelle Padalecki-Ackles into the world. The bouncing little girl weighed 7 pounds and 5 ounces. _

This had to be a mistake. There was no way Jared had his daughter and didn’t tell him about her, this had to be wrong. With shaky hands Jensen opened a new tab and this time searched for all articles on Jennifer Padalecki-Ackles. He found only a few others.

“Oh, god, no,” Jensen choked out as he realized one of them was a obituary, dated _February 18th 2015,_ three weeks after he had announced his engagement to Justin.

Having a date to work with, Jensen quickly pulled up the news site for the town and set his search for articles starting from the night of his engagement. He began reading through them, dismissing the unimportant ones. It wasn’t long till he found what he was looking for,

_The police are saying that a drunk driver is responsible for the accident late last night. The driver under the influence hit another car that has left a man and young child in critical condition. Stay tuned for more information as it comes available._

Jensen felt sick. He knows no names were listed but in his heart he knew that those involved had been Jared and Jennifer. It took more strength then he thought to click on the connecting link.

_Local owner of our town’s most beloved animal shelter and all around good guy Jared Padalecki still remains in stable condition after his car was hit late Sunday night by a drunk driver. His daughter Jennifer is however still listed in critical care. Our thoughts and prayers are with them both._

Jensen felt numb as his hand fell away from the laptop. None of what he read seemed real. He couldn’t wrap his head around it. He had a daughter, a daughter he never knew and fate ripped her away from him.

“Oh god I know nothing about her. I don’t know her first word, her favourite color, if she had a favorite stuff animal. I didn’t get to see her take her first step, did she sleep at night or was she a fussy baby? I know nothing of my daughter.” A choked sob escaped Jensen’s mouth, followed by another and another and he didn’t bother trying to stop the tears he was shedding over the little girl he never got to know.

                                                                                                                            *+++*

The moment Danneel walked through the door of Jared’s house, she expected to be jumped on by the human puppy that owned the place, but not by his hyperactive best friend.

“Quick, Jay knows something is up. Danneel tell him you’re pregnant and feeling bloated and that’s why you didn’t want to go out!” Chad hissed to Danneel once she was close enough.

“Are you insane? I’m not telling Jared that! Why don’t you tell him that you’re pregnant?” Danneel shot back, there were times she worried about Chad and this is one of those times.

Standing next to her Steve Carlson managed to choke on air. “If Danneel was pregnant shouldn’t I have been the first to know?” Steve asked once he remembered how to breathe again.

“Plus don’t you think that lie is a little cruel to poor Jared? I mean what would we tell him when I didn’t start showing?” Danneel asked with a raised eyebrow as she stared Chad down.

Chad found himself wincing again; he was doing that a lot tonight. “Okay, so I hadn’t thought that far ahead but we need to tell him something. Jay is a smart guy he’s going to figure out something is up.”

“Here’s a wacky idea we could just tell Jared the truth. He’s going to learn soon than later that he’s back in town and I don’t know about you but I would think that it would be better if Jared was prepared for the chance he could meet him. Better for Jared to hear from us before someone else tells him or they meet up,” Steve pointed out.

Danneel pouted at her boyfriend. “You know I hate it when you’re right.” She took a deep breath this wasn’t going to be easy.

\--

Chrishad been tasked with keeping Jared busy, not that he minded or found it a hardship; he liked it when he got a moment alone with Jared.

“You’re keeping something from me.” Jared’s soft words broke through Chris’ thoughts and turning his head he found Jared looking right at him. Jared wasn’t sure why Chris and the others thought they were fooling anyone but this was a rallying cry. They had done that a lot during those first few months when he lost Jennifer.

“You know you can tell me anything Chris, I’m stronger than I look,” Jared pointed out.

Chris swallowed hard. “Yeah, you are strong, Jay, but even you have a breaking point and this might be it.”

_‘Please don’t let me be the one to tell you. I’ve been competing against Jensen’s ghost for so long, I don’t want to see the hope in your eyes when I tell you he’s back.’_

Chris knew that Jared would always love Jensen no matter what, even if he did learn to let others in. Jensen would always own a piece of Jared’s heart that would remain forever untouchable. He just wasn’t sure if there was room in Jared’s heart for him as well.

Jared shifted so he was looking Chris right in the eye.

“I love that you and the others want to look out for me. I know I haven’t made it easy for you all after I lost Jennifer. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be here, I would have given up. But you can’t protect me forever. You’re going to have to let me decide what I can and cannot handle.  So please, Chris, tell me what has you so twisted up in knots,” Jared pleaded softly with Chris.

“Jensen’s back in town.” Chris was watching Jared closely so he could see the moment that Jared’s world stopped.

Jared’s mind completely and utterly shut down the moment Chris told him that Jensen was back in town. “Are you sure?” Jared asked in a small voice.

Chris wanted to lie and tell Jared he wasn’t sure, it could be a mistake but he couldn’t; not when those big hazel eyes were looking at him.

“I’m sure, Jared. You can ask Danneel. She punched him before calling me.”

That had Jared’s eyes widen to nearly impossible size. “She punched him? Why would Danni want to punch Jensen?”

“Because of you, Jared, he hurt you and I don’t like it when people hurt my friends,” Danneel informed Jared as she, Chad and Steve joined them in the living room.

Jared looked at all of them in disbelief as if he couldn’t believe that they would do this for him. “But Jensen was your friend. Why would you punch him for me?”

Danneel’s gaze softened as she dropped down into the seat next to Jared and curled herself around him.

“You listen to me, Jared Padalecki. Yes at one time Jensen Ackles was our friend but he left us. He decided that being someone was more important than being with us. I don't know what happened to the boy we used to know. I keep hoping that someday we’ll see him again, but until then I refuse to call that unfeeling man my friend," Danneel promptly informed Jared.

Jared favored Danneel with a watery smile as he returned her embrace.

"Thank you Danneel. I don't know what I would have done without any of you," Jared whispered into her hair.

Danneel's arms tightened around Jared as she tried not to think of just where Jared might have been if they hadn't hung around despite his best attempts at pushing them away. _'There is no way that I am going to let you break him again Jensen Ackles,'_ Danneel vowed.

"Alright, enough of this. Let's get this party on the road. I have the need to kick your butts at Call of Duty," Chad declared, doing what he did best and lightening up the mood.

Steve snorted. "Please, junior, we all know that I'm going to whoop at your ass at Call of Duty. You have yet to beat me."

Chad's eyes narrowed as he grabbed the control. "Oh those be fighting words! Come on old man. Let's see what you have to say after I whoop your ass."

Danneel could only roll her eyes, as both Chris and Jared quickly fell into the trash talking but it was nice to see Jared smiling. _'Let him have this tonight because as long as Jensen is around he shall have no peace.'_

"Move over boys, let me show you how this is done." Danneel would do whatever it took to keep Jared smiling.

                                                                                                                                                *+++*

Donna Ackles was unsure of what she would be walking into when she returned home. Part of her was full of joy at the return of her son. The other half of her ached for the pain that both Jensen and Jared were sure to go through in the coming days.

Donna hadn't imagined that her first image of Jensen would be with red eyes looking like his world had crashed around him and glaring at her in a mixture of pain and rage. It wasn't until he spoke that her worst fears were confirmed.

“Why didn’t you tell me, mom? Why didn't you tell me that I had a daughter?" Jensen demanded in a wrecked voice.

“Don’t you dare put this on me, Jensen Ross Ackles! I tried, so did your father. Your brother even drove up to talk to you but you didn’t want to hear anything about Jared, you shut us down anytime we tried bring him up. Then Jared asked us to stop because he didn’t want to force you back into a life and marriage you clearly didn’t want anymore. Some people wondered if you would even care. I love you Jensen, you are my son. But how you treated Jared when you left made me so ashamed of you for the first time in my life. Jared reached out to you time and time again only to be turned away. Every day I am thankful for Chris Kane. If it wasn’t for him you might not even have a husband to divorce…" Donna trailed off unable to finish her sentence.

Jensen's head shot up at his mother's words, horror filling him as he asked in a small voice, "Do you mean...?" He trailed off, unable to give voice to the words he was thinking.

There was never a time that Donna wanted to recall how shattered and broken Jared was after Jennifer's death but her son needed to know that he wasn't the only one suffering.

"I do. Jared was ready to die and not one of us could reach him. It was Chris who pulled him back from that edge; it was Chris who gave him something to live for. No one tried to keep her from you. We just couldn't find away to reach you. It was as if you were cut off from us," Donna pleaded with her son to see reason.

Mackenzie had heard enough, her brother needed a swift kick in the behind. "You need to stop and ask yourself if you like the man you are becoming with Justin; if you like the man who is ashamed of where he came from, ashamed of his family and friends.

“Are you proud that you made our mother cry when you didn't send her a wedding invitation? We haven't seen you in three years, Jensen! We were lucky if we got a phone call from you once a year telling us that you're still alive! And then we didn't even get that once you met Justin.” Mackenzie wasn’t holding back any punches as she laid into her brother. She couldn’t understand how he could be so blind to how much he had hurt their family.

“Don’t we matter to you even the slightest? Or is the idea of being someone really all that matters to you?”

“Mac, it wasn’t like that.” Jensen couldn't believe what he was hearing from his sister.

“It is like that! You are so obsessed with being someone that you didn’t realize that you were someone to us! That you were important to us! You were so important to Jared and Jennifer!" Mackenzie cried.

"Jared made sure that your daughter knew all about her papa even if it was clear he wanted nothing to do with them. Do you have any idea how that made Jared feel? To know that he wasn't worth enough to deserve a phone call from you; that you completely ignored any attempts he made to tell you about your daughter? Jared ran himself ragged trying to reach you. He got so bad that the doctor put him on bed rest for the last few months of his pregnancy. We nearly lost Jared and Jennifer too many times to count. But in the end we still lost her." Mackenzie trailed off into tears unable to go on anymore as the grief over losing her niece became too much for her.

“Still, Jared should have told me. She was my daughter too.” Jensen knew his protest was weak but he was full of so much hurt and pain.

“Tell me Jensen. When should Jared have told you? That boy sent you letter after letter all returned un-opened. Every phone call was ignored and when he finally worked up the strength to come see you in person he was turned away by your doorman under your orders. So tell me Jensen, when was Jared supposed to tell you when you cut off every inch of communication between the two of you?” Josh snarled at Jensen, letting out all the anger he felt on Jared’s behalf out on the other man, anger he knew that Jared would never express because his brother-in-law still loved Jensen with all his heart.

Jensen could do nothing as he watched his mother comfort his sister. Nothing made sense to him. He had never received any phone calls or word that his family had visited. _'Justin had me convinced that my family washed their hands of me? How could I have been so wrong.'_

"I'm sorry mom, Mac. I never knew any of this."

Donna could see the truth in her son's eyes. He really did have no idea about their attempts at getting in touch with him. _'When I find out who has been messing with my family they will wish they had never been born by the time I am through with them.'_ Donna was a mom on a mission and no one would be spared her wraith.

Jensen felt his world crumbling beneath his feet, he and Jared had a little girl, a little girl that he lost without every meeting. The walls were caving in on him.

“I need to get out of here. Just for a little bit," Jensen pleaded with his mom to understand. Donna gave her son a small nod.

"Go, clear your head but for your sake and Jared's stay away from him until tomorrow. You're far too raw to talk to Jared tonight," Donna suggested.

Jensen hadn't planned on visiting Jared. Oh, he wanted to be angry at Jared but the Jared he knew, his Jared, would never have kept his daughter from him. He just didn't have it in him. Someone else was behind this.

Donna watched as Jensen grabbed his car keys and took off. _'Please let this end well for all involved.'_

From the safety of her mom's arms Mackenzie watched Jensen leave, her heart aching for the big brother she could still see in him. Maybe there was hope yet that her brother was still in there somewhere.

                                                                                                                                         *+++*

Jensen had no destination in mind until he found himself in front of the cemetery.

"I need to see her." Jensen whispered. "I need to see my baby girl."

It was harder than Jensen thought going to the graveyard. He had no idea where his little girl was buried but he had a feeling that Jared had put her next to his family. He had accompanied Jared many times when he wanted to visit his family and he could find the place with his eyes closed.

There she was next to Jared's sister.  

 _Jennifer Annabelle Padalecki-Ackles_  
                                                   April 10 th 2013- February 18th 2015  
                                                  Your time on this earth was brief,  
                                                 A little piece of heaven gifted to us,  
                                                May heaven welcome its littlest angel back with open arms

Jensen’s knees gave out beneath him as he collapsed in front of the grave. With trembling hands he reached out and traced the engraving. Jensen wanted to scream and hurt someone. To make anyone feel the kind of pain he was experiencing; the kind of pain that Jared had been feeling for three years, a pain that he had to carry alone.

"Hello, baby girl. I'm your papa, Jensen. I'm so sorry I let you down, that I wasn't here for you. I swear, if I had known I would have been there for you every step of the way. I would have loved to have had sleepless nights with you, spending hours just trying to get you to sleep. I would have loved to have done so much with you but most of all I wish I could have gotten to hold you just once and to see you with my own eyes," Jensen whispered all his regrets to the little girl he never got a chance to know.

 

                                                                                                                                    *+++*

Try as he might Jared couldn't lose himself in the game like he usually could, his mind still unable to think of anything but the fact that Jensen was back in town.

Since he was a small boy Jared Padalecki has always dreamed of being a father, while other boys were playing with action figures Jared was happy to play house with his little sister. As he got older that never changed, even though most of his family couldn't understand. Sadly he would never know if they would have accepted him when he figured out he was gay, as life and fate had ripped them away from him when he was a young boy.

When Jared was thirteen he realised that he wasn't looking at girls like his uncle said he might, he was starting to notice guys instead.

When Jared told his Uncle JD, he accepted it and supported his choices. And when Jared admitted that he longed to be a carrier, his uncle made an appointment for him. Jeff was by his side as they tested him. Hearing the words from the doctor that yes, he was a carrier, was one of the greatest moments in Jared's life. The only moments greater were his time with Jensen, even if it had ended in heartbreak for him. Having Jennifer for however short of a time was the bright spot in his life, but the others were right, Jennifer would not want him wasting his life away. It was time he started living again.

Three years of marriage wasn’t much but to Jared it had been a whole lifetime. He knew that he shouldn’t be so broken hearted. Jensen hadn’t been his for almost three years but still, mentioning of the divorce papers ripped out what remained of Jared’s heart. He couldn’t breathe; the walls were closing in on him. He wasn’t aware that he was panicking until he couldn’t catch his breath.

Chris was the first to see the change in Jared and suddenly the game became unimportant at the sound of Jared's labored breathing. He knew that Jared was close to having a panic attack.

“Hey Jared its okay, it’s all going to be okay.”

“He wants a divorce, Chris. He’s marrying a man worthy of him. I’ve lost him. I really have lost him," Jared whispered in a broken tone.

Chris tried never to think ill of Jensen. They had been friends for too long but at the sight of Jared’s tears it took all his willpower not to find Jensen right now and ring his neck for causing Jared this kind of pain.

"Hey, Jensen is a fool if he thinks that this Justin could give him what he needs. He'll see the light when his shiny new toy proves to be faulty." Chris did his best to reassure Jared.

“But why couldn’t he love me the way that I loved him?” Jared asked in a small voice.

Not for the first time Danneel felt a murderous rage fill her and she wished she had ignored Jared's wishes and punched Jensen harder and broke his nose.

“Because that fool only thinks with the wrong head. He lost out on something great when he let you go. I make sure to put a new pin in my voodoo doll of him every night hoping that his beloved dick might finally fall off.” Danneel was pleased when Jared gave a soft laugh; any time that she could make Jared laugh was a plus in her books.

"If it is meant to be then you and Jensen will find your way back to one another," Steve spoke up sending Jared a reassuring smile. He felt bad for Chris. He knew his friend was starting to have more than friendly feelings for Jared. But that made him feel bad for Chad who had been in love with Chris for years. Jared was the wild card in all of this, it was clear that he cared about Chris. If it was the beginning of love or not Steve wasn't sure, but it was clear that Jared was still very much in love with Jensen.

  **  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Jensen knew that he lost track of time as he sat in front of Jennifer's grave, talking about everything and nothing. He wasn't aware that he was no longer alone until his dad sat down next to him.

"I'd thought I'd find you here," Alan Ackles told his son. The look of devastation in his son's eyes tore into his heart. "I'm sorry that you had to find out like this. You have to believe me, son, when I tell you that we tried our hardest to get in contact with you. No one, especially Jared, wanted to keep Jennifer away from you."

"I know. I wanted so badly to be a big shot, to be someone, that I missed out on the most important things in life. I missed my baby girl. I missed getting the chance to see her even once and that will haunt me to the end of my days,” Jensen admitted to his father.

Alan’s heart utterly ached for his son. “I’m so sorry Jensen. If I could, I would turn back time and try even harder to stop that horrible night from ever happening. That’s not possible, but son I would be happy to tell you all about Jenny and there are photos and videos that I can show you so you at least have that.” Alan knew it wasn’t much but it was the best he could offer.

For the first time since he learned everything Jensen smiled at his father. “I’d like that a lot. I just need to find out who made sure that I would know nothing about Jennifer.” Jensen would find those responsible and they would pay.

“Son, I don’t know if this helps any but on one of my last attempts I talked to a blond man who claimed that he was your fiancé and acting on your behalf. He gave me a signed court order telling all of us to keep at least one hundred feet from you. It was later dropped but that was the first time Jared tried to kill himself.” Alan choked up on the last words.

Jensen froze. His mom had hinted at Jared being depressed and attempting something like this but hearing the words from his dad was a little too much. “Wh... what happened?”

Alan’s gaze went distant. He didn’t like thinking about it.

“He tried to overdose on pills. I’m still not sure how Chris knew that something was wrong with Jared but I am forever thankful that boy stopped by. We would have lost Jared. Your brother was working in the ER that day and called us. He was devastated as were the rest of us. We should have known that Jared wasn’t handling Jennifer’s death well. He was so lifeless and then the papers came.”

Jensen’s sharp intake of air let Alan know that he had figured out what papers he was talking about.

“Is it my fault that Jared tried to kill himself?” Jensen asked. When it looked like his father wasn’t going to answer Jensen turned pleading eyes onto him. “Dad I need to know, the last thing, the very last thing I ever wanted to do was cause Jared any more pain.”

Alan knew that the truth would come out no matter what.

“Yes, Jared tried to kill himself after he received the divorce papers. I do believe that it was the final straw. He believed he had lost everything that was worth living for and wanted a peace he thought he could get only in death. He’s doing better but he’s not the Jared you knew and I suggest when you see him that you take it easy on him. He puts on a strong front but he is more fragile than he looks.”

Jensen wasn’t sure how to feel. He had come to town looking to get a divorce so that he could marry a man he thought worthy of him only to learn that someone had kept his family and his daughter from him. All he knew was he was not leaving town until he got some answers and saw Jared for himself.

                                                                                                                                       *+++*

 

Danneel knew that it wasn’t unusual for them to crash at Jared’s place when they thought that Jared needed their support. The guys were crashed around Danneel. Steve was curled up against her back sleeping at an angle on the loveseat that made Danneel cringe in sympathy. _‘I’ll make sure to massage his neck later,’_  Danneel vowed as she gently eased her way out of Steve’s arms.

A smile played upon her lips as she noticed Chad and Chris had fallen asleep together on the couch with Chad’s head resting on Chris’ shoulder and Chris’ head resting on top of Chad’s. Danneel’s heart went out to Chad. Say what you want about him, he was a loyal friend and he had put aside his own feelings for Chris because of  Jared. _‘You are a good guy, Chad Michael Murray.’_ Not seeing Jared, Danneel’s eyes flickered to the stairs  had a pretty good idea where Jared was.

Since Jennifer’s death Jared had left her room untouched. The only time he opened the door was to keep it clean and when he needed a moment to mourn what he had lost.

Danneel wasn’t at all surprised to find Jared curled up on Jennifer’s bed with her beloved stuffed pink bunny in his arms. It utterly broke her heart to see Jared so small and vulnerable.

“Oh honey.”

Danneel didn’t wait for an invite; just crawled into the too small bed and wrapped herself around Jared as best she could.

Jared sunk into her hold. Danneel had been one of the main female role models in Jennifer’s life.

“I love him so much and he doesn’t even seem to care how much he is ripping my heart out. I want to hate him but I can’t, I just can’t.”

If Danneel’s heart wasn’t already aching for Jared it was now. “Oh sweetie, he is a fool, a grade A fool. He is so blinded by his belief that he needs to be a big shot to be important that he doesn’t see that he was already important and special to those who truly cared about him and loved him for just being Jensen. Someday he’ll wake up and see what he had and lost and then he’ll come crawling back to you.”

“I know I should be over him but I still love him and I think I always will. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I let go like Jensen has done with me?” Jared pleaded with Danneel to help him out.

“Oh honey, it’s because Jensen is your one true love, your soul mate. He is your world and that will never change. I’ve seen Jensen when he is with you and he can lie to himself all he wants but the truth is when he look at you it was as if you hung the moon and the sun. You were the brightest star in his life. Someday Jensen will remember that. He will see that you are his soul mate.” Danneel did her best to reassure Jared.

_‘Please Jensen don’t make me a liar.’_

                                                                                                                          *+++*

 

Jensenwas numb, that was the only way he could describe what he was feeling when he finally made it back to his hotel room. He had waved off his parent’s offer that he could stay with them, and he would probably take them up on that offer tomorrow, but tonight he needed to be alone in order to process everything he had learned.

Jensen didn’t want to believe it but the more he thought about it the more it became clear that there was only one person who could have the means to keep his family away from him. But why would he do this? Jensen couldn’t see the point. He needed someone he could talk to, someone from his new life who knew Justin better than him and there was only one person he could think of.

_Aldis and his wife Genevieve were the only ones that Jensen could call friends among his and Justin's small group, not that they would call Justin a friend. Aldis had nothing but contempt for Justin, but for some reason Gen actually liked Justin and Aldis had no choice but to play nice, still he had tried to warn Jensen that Justin was not the man he showed the world. But they weren't like the others. They had been childhood sweethearts that realised they were each other's half. They had married right after college and seemed to be in love more and more every day. Jared would have liked them; they had the same beliefs in love as he did._

_"Jensen, how many people did you invite from your old life? How many members of your own family and real friends are going to be there?"_

_Jensen looked away, unable to answer Genevieve's questions. The truth was no one from his past was coming, Justin had made a case. Would they really be the right kind to mix with the upper class? And Jensen had gone along with his wishes. He wondered when he’d stopped thinking for himself and started letting Justin control his every move._

"Aldis, I need some advice," Jensen said after he heard Aldis’ greeting.

"Talk to me man. What's going on?" Aldis had never heard such a lost tone in Jensen's voice, something bad must have happened.

Jensen let out a relieved breath and let the story come tumbling out.

"Man, that's rough. I can't even begin to imagine the kind of pain you are going through. I'm so sorry for your loss. But I'm not surprised that Justin pulled something like this. I tried to warn you about him. He isn’t one to play nice. He wanted you and he would do everything in his power to cut off any connection to your old life. Your boy Jared was here many times, always tried seeing you and the last time…I have never seen someone look so broken, so lost as he did. Justin made sure that he could never get in contact with you. I tried to tell you, Jensen, but Justin made sure that I never got the chance to."

“So you do think that Justin is behind all of this?” Jensen hadn’t wanted to believe it, that the man he was planning on marrying could be this cruel. _‘He really is the perfect man for me. I abandoned my old life because they weren’t enough for me and I missed out on everything.’_

“I hate to say it man but yeah, I really do think it was Justin. I’ve known Justin for years and he is a man who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. He wanted you as his partner, a man who doesn’t believe in love and expected nothing from him but the social standing that his name brings.” Aldis hated to be blunt with his friend but it was the truth.

Jensen winced. Yeah Aldis had a point. He had overlooked the fact that Justin would never be faithful to him and that this marriage was nothing but a sham, one that he had been willing to go along with just because it made him someone.

_‘Man, Mac was right. What has happened to me? When did being someone become so important to me?’_

“I needed to hear that, Aldis. I need to straighten out this mess with Jared first. I never ever wanted to hurt him and that’s what I did.”

Aldis could never understand why Jensen was so gung-ho over marrying Justin. It was like he didn’t hear how he talked about Jared.

“Jensen, man, I can’t understand it. The way you talk about this Jared guy it’s clear that you still love him so why did you ever want to divorce this guy? Love like yours doesn’t happen every day; you shouldn’t let it spill through your fingers,” Aldis advised Jensen.

Jensen knew his relationship with Justin was nothing like his relationship with Jared. With Jared there had been love, faithfulness and happiness. With Justin, sure, there was great sex but not a whole lot more.

“I’m an idiot aren’t I?” Jensen asked.

“Well, man, I hate to say it but yeah, you are. Tell me, are you a someone you like when you’re with Justin? Or do you prefer the Jensen that you are with Jared?” Aldis asked, to him it was pretty easy choice.

That question made Jensen stop and think. The guy he was with Justin made his sister cry, cut off all contact with his family, and hurt his mother and father.

“I’m a grade A jerk, aren’t I?”

“I didn’t want to say anything, but yeah, you were kind of a jerk. So now what do you plan on doing?” Aldis was pleased to see that the Jensen he had gotten to know before Justin got his claws into him was coming back.

“I’m going to reclaim my husband,” Jensen declared.

“Good luck man. You’re going to need it,” Aldis stated, and Jensen knew he wasn’t in for an easy time.

                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                         *+++*

 

It was hearing Jensen’s ring tone on his cell phone that hadJustin extracted himself from the bed where Erica lay sound asleep, smugness filling him. He had certainly given her something to be tired about.

“Hello Jensen, I am surprised to hear from you. Does this mean you have already finished up your business and are on your way home?” Justin asked, once he was out of the bedroom.

Jensen made a disgusted face. He knew that tone of voice of Justin’s. It was the “I just had amazing sex and am going to act like a smug bastard” voice. It was one Jensen heard a lot in his relationship with Justin.

“No, that’s not why I’m calling. It looks like I’m going to be longer than I thought. I won’t be back anytime soon.”

“What do you mean you’re not coming back right away? Did you forget that we have a wedding to plan?” Justin couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“You heard me right, there is more going on here and I’m not leaving until I get my answers. Besides, that’s what Erica is there for--to help you plan the wedding.”

 _‘I’m not sure if there is going to be a wedding at this point but he doesn’t need to know that little bit of information.’_ Jensen wasn’t going to do anything until he got the answers he needed.

“I’ll call you when I know what I’m doing but until then have fun planning our wedding when you’re not too busy doing Erica.” Jensen got more satisfaction than he should have when he hung up on Justin.

Seated in his home office Justin admired the story and photos splashed all over the society page. He and Jensen were a perfect pair and there was no way that he was going to let some small town bumpkin ruin it for him. Dialing his personal assistant, he didn’t care about the time as he got a sleepy hello.

“Alona, I need you to book me on the earliest flight to Provincetown.” _‘I have a fiancé to claim.’_

                                                                                  

                                                                                                                                    *+++*

 

_Two days later_

Jared wasn’t really expecting anyone so when his phone rang his face twisted into confusion. He knew that the others were working or at the shelter. He was just getting ready to head out there himself.

“Hello?” he asked in a guarded voice. Nothing could have prepared him for who responded back.

“Hello, Jay. We need to talk.” Jensenhad taken his time, adjusting to the changes his life had undergone in the last few days, but now he felt that it was time to talk to Jared. Learning that Jared still lived in their old home had made him feel warm and tingly, a feeling he hadn’t had for a while.

Jared swallowed hard as several emotions came rushing to him. It had been years since he last heard that nickname and once again he found himself weak in the knees as the smooth whiskey voice worked its magic over him.

“Jensen?”

The deep chuckle that answered sent shivers up and down Jared’s spine.

“Yeah, Jay, it’s me. Now, baby boy, let me in. I’m sitting outside and you know how I hate being kept waiting,” Jensen growled out. He wasn’t sure why he called Jared that old nickname but it just felt right.

Jared swallowed hard as he looked out the window and sure enough there was Jensen leaning against the door of his rental car. While it was true Jensen could have a bit of a temper, most of the time he was like a grumpy cat but still Jared didn't want to keep him waiting. Knowing that he didn’t have much of a choice Jared let out a deep shuddering breath.

“Come on in Jensen.”

Jared would be lying to himself if he didn’t think that Jensen was still the most handsome man he had ever laid eyes on. Jensen wore sex like silk, had a body made for sin, and he used that knowledge to his power. Even when Jensen’s green eyes blazed like cold flames as they were now Jared still found his breath stolen by the mere sight of Jensen Ackles.

"When were you going to tell me that I had a daughter? Or did you think as her other father I didn't have a right to know?" Jensen demanded as he took a dangerous step forward. He still couldn’t believe that no one had thought that he would care to know that he had a child.

This was one of Jared’s worst fears come to life. Jensen had learned about Jennifer and thought he kept her away from him.

Anger that he had kept hidden came bubbling to the surface as he exploded, “I did! I tried my best to get in contact with you but your fiancé made it very clear that my visits were not welcome nor wanted. I tried for months up until Doctor Collins put me on bed rest due to stress. Every letter I sent you was returned unopened. Every text and phone call I sent went unanswered. I tried your email but it was no longer active. I did everything possible to get in contact with you and was turned away. I got the message pretty quickly, Jensen, that you wanted nothing to do with me or our daughter."

"You claim you know me Jared and yet you believe that crap. I would have never abandoned you or our daughter if I had known. I would have done the right thing." Jensen couldn't believe that Jared thought that he wouldn't have been there for them.

"And how long before you hated me for robbing me of you achieving your dream? You longed for things greater than I could offer you. Can you tell me that you would have been happy here with me and our daughter and never come to blame us for robbing you of the life you wanted?" Jared asked.

"Yes, I would have.”

Jared looked nothing like the man Jensen had left behind three years ago. Jared had been crying, pleading with him to stay, his heart clearly breaking as Jensen told him that this town was suffocating him; that there was nothing there for him; that Jared wasn’t enough for him and that their marriage had been a mistake. Jensen had a lot to make up for.

Jared’s head shot up at Jensen’s words, his jaw dropping a little in shock. There was no way that Jensen just said that to him.

“Don’t play with me Jensen, not about this. I can’t handle it,” Jared pleaded.

Hearing Jared’s plea hit Jensen hard. This Jared was shattered, fully and completely, and someone had glued the pieces back together, someone that wasn't him. He had a lot of damage to undo.

“You named our daughter after me, didn’t you?” Jensen asked finally seeking to break the uncomfortable silence between him and Jared. He couldn’t remember a time when he had such a hard time talking to Jared.

Jared swallowed hard. It was still so painful to think of his little girl.

“I did. I was originally going to name her after Chris, who had been there for me when I needed a helping hand. He went with me to all my parenting classes and I had planned on him being in the room with me when I delivered ..." Jared trailed off. Part of him wanted to hurt Jensen just as much as Jensen had hurt him, but he just couldn't. It wasn't in him.

"Why didn't you? Was Chris in the delivery room with you?" Jensen wasn't sure if he could handle hearing that Chris had got to be there for the moment his daughter was brought into the world.

"No, he wasn't. It felt wrong. The only person that should have been in that room with me was you. I had your mother instead. That way it felt like I had a piece of you there with me," Jared admitted. "And the moment I held her in my arms for the very first time I knew she was going to be a mini female you and no other name but Jennifer would do. It just seemed right for her to have a little piece of you.”

That gave Jensen hope. Life isn't a fairy tale, there are no fairy godmothers or magic wands to wave and grant you the life you dream of. No, there is only hard work and sacrifices you have to be willing to make if you want to make yourself someone important. And after working so hard to make himself someone it suddenly didn’t seem that important to Jensen, not after he finally realized what his arrogance had truly cost him. If there were such a thing as happily ever after their little girl would have lived and he would have been there with Jared giving him the support that he got from Chris.

“Do you love him?” Jensen asked in a small voice.

Jared Padalecki had fallen in love with Jensen Ackles the moment he laid eyes on the man and he had never stopped.

“No, I don’t love Chris like that. But I think I could with time,” Jared admitted in a soft voice.

Jensen wasn't Jared's hero anymore. He had been replaced by another and it hurt to hear Jared admit that he might be able to love Chris in time. For one moment Jensen wanted to hurt Jared just as deeply as Jared had just hurt him.

“Chad’s in love with Chris.”

From the way Jared’s eyes widened it was clear that he had no idea about Chad’s feelings for Chris. "You call yourself Chad's best friend and you don't even see when you are stealing the man your best friend has been in love with since high school."

“I want you to leave,” Jared whispered softly to Jensen.

Jensen knew he had crossed a line the moment he’d struck back at Jared. Jared had done nothing to deserve his anger but he couldn’t help but lash out at him. “Fine, I’ll go for now Jared, but this isn’t over between the two of us,” Jensen warned.

Jared figured that was the case.

                                                                                                                         *+++*

 

“You know you didn’t have to come. I know you have a class to prepare for,” JD told his partner Matt Cohen.

Matt smiled at his husband and placed a comforting hand on JD’s arm. “Jared is my friend as well and I want help him in any way that I can. Plus, given how upset you said he sounded on the phone, someone needs to be around to stop you from ending up in jail when you attempt to kill whoever made Jared sound like that,” Matt pointed out to his husband. It would be interesting if JD’s own men had to come arrest their boss.

JD was willing to admit that Matt had a point there. He was still very protective of Jared and would rip apart anyone who hurt his nephew; it was just in his nature.

“I’ve known him for a long time and only one person could make Jared this upset. You just might end up bailing my ass out,” JD growled under his breath. He would kill Ackles if he’d done anything to hurt Jared.

Matt felt like they should have prepared for this when the news of Jensen’s engagement had broken. All of them had been blindsided by the sudden engagement, especially Jared. The divorce papers had arrived while Jennifer was in the hospital fighting for her life, leaving Jared a broken mess.

“Jared!” His husband’s frantic call pulled Matt from his thoughts and it was then that he could hear Jared’s labored breathing.

JD didn’t waste any time running to Jared’s side, having witnessed many of them after he found out he was pregnant.

“He’s having a panic attack. His medicine is in his bathroom cabinet, second shelf, first bottle on the right.” JD made sure that he kept his voice nice and calm as he spoke to Matt. “It’s okay Jared.”

Jared shook his head. “It’s not.... Jensen’s knows... everything.”

JD closed his eyes. He knew that this was Jared’s worst fear come to life. “Don’t worry Jared. We’ll deal with that mess later. Right now I just need you to focus on yourself,” JD promised.

Jared wanted to believe the sweet lie JD was telling him but he knew Jensen was hurt and when he was hurt he lashed out. Jared was going to be the target of Jensen’s anger.

                                                                                                                   *+++*

 

Jensen wasn’t at all surprised to find Chris waiting for him at his hotel, given what he's been hearing about his ex-best friend and estranged husband this visit was expected. “How did you find me?” Jensen asked once he got close enough.

At one time Chris Kane had thought of Jensen as both his brother and best friend. That was until Jensen left him behind and crushed Jared’s spirit. “Your sister. We have a lot to talk about.”

Jensen crossed his arms over his chest and snapped out.  “Like the fact that you’re in love with my husband.”

Chris nodded his head at Jensen. “Yeah, like that. You have been gone for three years, Jensen! The only reason you came back was to get a divorce from Jared. So if that’s what you want, do it. Don’t give Jared hope; it’s just cruel. I love Jared. I’m not going to deny it. I care about him and want him happy. He’s more than earned that.”

Jensen knew that Chris had a point. He had come here not caring if Jared had moved on or not. All he wanted was to be free to marry a man he didn’t love. When he’d first learned that Jared might be moving on with Chris, he’d only cared that it might make it easier to convince Jared to sign the divorce paper. Now that he knew the truth his whole reason for coming had been twisted around.

“Listen, I’ll admit that I’ve been nothing but a pompous ass and a big jerk since I came back to town. I know I’ve hurt Jared so deeply but now I want him back and I’m going to prove myself to him and to all of you. I will fight for Jared and if that means you as well then so be it.”

Chris couldn’t help but smile. That was the Jensen he knew, a possessive bastard when it came to his Jared. “I would willingly step aside if you can prove that you really are serious about winning back Jared,”

Chris said, then suddenly stopped and glared at someone behind Jensen. “What the hell are you doing here, you asshole?”

Jensen had known Chris for a long time. Never had he seen such a venomous and sheer hateful look in the man’s eyes. He was grateful that Chris hadn’t looked or spoken to him like that. Whoever this man was, he was Christian Kane’s enemy and Chris looked ready to rip him apart. It took Jensen a moment to realize that the man in question was Jason Manns. The last time he’d checked, Chris and Jason were pretty good friends so for Chris to treat him like this the man must have done something pretty awful.

“It’s a free country, Kane, despite what you think. I did my time and I’m back and there is nothing you or anyone can do about it. This is my home,” Jason sneered at Chris.

“It stopped being your home the moment you decided it would be a good idea to get behind the wheel and drive drunk. You hit Jared’s car,” Chris shot back, it was taking all of his control not to beat his former friend for the pain he caused. Jason had been drunk, too drunk to be behind the wheel of his truck.

“You? You were the one to hit Jared? You killed my little girl?!” Jensen growled, shoving Jason hard.

Jason shoved Jensen back. “Some father you were. You didn’t even know you had a daughter! Kane was more of a father to that little girl then you ever were. Did you know that while Jared was daddy, Chris was pa?” Jason wanted to hurt Jensen and from the look on the other man’s face he had succeeded.  That’s when Jensen let his fist fly.

“Hey! Cut it out the two of you!” Chris snarled, pulling Jensen and Jason apart. “You know that is a lie. I was Uncle Chris to that little girl and nothing more. She knew who her fathers were and I won’t let you mess with Jennifer’s memory in an attempt to hurt Jensen. Now I suggest you get out before I call JD. We both know that he would love to get his hands on you.” Chris shoved Jason hard. 

“I’m going. There is nothing in this town. You had the right idea to get out, Jensen. But I will say this. Before you came back to town I was the most hated man in town. Now I think it’s a tie between the two of us.” Jason needed to get one last shot in on Jensen.

“Hell no, asshole! I might not be Jensen’s biggest fan but no one is more hated than you! I suggest you get out of here before Chris lets go of Jensen and they both have a go at you,” Chad snarled as he came up to the trio, his eyes blazing with hate and his fists clenched at his sides.

Jason knew he was outmatched. “Whatever.”

The three remaining men said nothing as they watched Jason leave. Once he was out of sight Chad turned his attention to Jensen. "What’s your game? Why are you really here, asshole?"

"Listen, I know you don't want to hear this but I am sorry for how I treated Jared before I left. When I learned about Jennifer, everything changed. I have been an idiot and a major jerk."

"Nice of you being able to finally admit it, but what does that have to do with you trying to win back Jared? Because let me tell you something, you weren’t here to watch Jared as he helplessly watched his daughter fight for her life only to lose the battle.  You weren’t here as Jared sat round the clock at his daughter’s bedside begging her to fight for him. You weren’t here. You didn’t see him when Jennifer took her final breath, and you didn’t hear his heartbreaking cries as he begged, pleaded and screamed that his little girl be given back.”

Now Chad was worked up and he shoved Jensen as hard as he could. “You sure as hell weren’t here when Jared fell apart. He survived having the love of his life walk out on him after telling him he wasn’t enough. But losing that little girl destroyed Jared and it was Chris who helped put him back together. So what if they fell in love? You don’t have any place to pass judgment on them. Didn’t you come here seeking a divorce so you could marry someone ‘more worthy’ of you?” Chad finished off with a sneer.

Jensen couldn’t argue Chad’s point. The only reason he came home was to divorce Jared so he could marry Justin, but now he was starting to see that was a mistake. “I know all of that, Chad, and if I could go back in time to undo all of this I would. But I can’t. All I can do is try to make things right.”

Chad turned his attention to Chris. “Are you okay with this? Jared has never hidden the fact that he is still in love with Jensen. I think part of him always will be no matter how hard he tries to move on. Jensen owned Jared’s heart before Jared even knew what love was.”

Chad hated the idea of causing Chris any kind of pain but he needed to face reality. Jared would never truly be over Jensen, the love he felt for his estranged husband was the kind that stayed with someone till the end of their days.

Chris knew that Chad had a point he just wished it wasn’t true. “All I want is for Jared to be happy. That’s all I want. If it’s with me that’s great, but if it’s Jensen that makes him happy then I will deal with that. It might take some time and I might want to bash your face in from time to time

“Good, now all you have to do is convince Danneel not to kill you where you stand,” Chad told Jensen. He looked a little too gleeful at the idea of Jensen having to face Danneel for Jensen’s peace of mind.


	5. Chapter 5

The moment that she heard that Jared had called out of work for the day, she knew that Jared needed time to deal with coming face-to-face with Jensen. He was grateful that Danneel also took a sick day to hang out with him. He really needed her support. The two were chilling out on Jared’s couch when the doorbell broke the calm.

Danneel could feel Jared tense next to her. “I’ll get it.” Danneel patted him on the arm and climbed to her feet. Jared let her go without protest. He trusted her to deal with whoever was at the door.

Opening the door, Danneel stiffened as she came face-to-face with a man she had only seen in magazines and on TV, a man she hated on sight.

“What the hell do you want?” she snarled at Justin Hartley, wishing she could punch him in the mouth.

Justin smiled at the feisty redhead who answered the door, his eyes dragging across her body. He wouldn’t mind having this hellcat in bed for a quick roll.

“I thought you small town folks were suppose to be polite and welcoming? I’m here looking for my fiancé, Jensen Ackles. He called me to tell me that he was going to be delayed and I thought I would come to offer my support. I was hoping that I could talk to Mr. Padalecki. There is no reason for him to be dragging this out. Jensen made his choice and he chose me.”

“You’re an asshole. How dare you come to someone’s home and think you can act like this?! I don’t care who you are or who your family is. You are an asshole. I suggest you leave now or I will call the police and since Jared’s uncle happens to be the sheriff he won’t take too kindly to you harassing his nephew. Now get lost.” Danneel was too close to punching that smug asshole in his pretty face.

Danneel didn’t want for a response. She slammed the door in Justin’s face. A small whimper had her turning around to see a broken Jared standing there.

“Oh honey, don’t listen to that jackass.”

“Maybe he’s right, maybe it’s time I let Jensen go,” Jared whispered and Danneel hated the defeated tone in Jared’s voice. She wished she had throttled Justin Hartley when he was in front of her.

On the other side of the door Justin smirked as he straightened the cuffs on his hundred-dollar shirt. This was going to be too easy.

                                                                                                                                     *+++*

When Jensen got back to his hotel the last thing he expected to see was Justin looking completely out of place in the room. It clearly was not a five star hotel like he was used to. Though he really should have expected his soon-to-be fiancé dropping in. Well at least this saved Jensen a phone call.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jensen demanded.

Justin frowned at Jensen’s greeting. This wasn’t his loving fiancé from a week ago. Could being in this town really cause this much of a change in him?  _‘The sooner we are away from here the better.’_

“Is that any way to treat your fiancé who came all this way to be with you and to help move this divorce along?”

Jensen’s eyes narrowed. “What did you do? Did you talk to Jared? You had no right!” Jensen snarled, wondering how he could have been so blind to Justin’s faults that he didn’t see what kind of man he really was.

“I had every right to talk to that low life. He is clinging to something that is long over. I just made it clear to him!” Justin shot back.

“You lied to me! You kept Jared’s visits a secret from me! You kept the knowledge of my daughter from me! What kind of monster does that? How can the man I am supposed to be marrying do something so deliberately cruel?” Jensen exploded at Justin.

Justin glared at Jensen. Who did this little person think he was? “You should be grateful to me you little punk! I made you someone. You were a nobody before I met you! You should be licking my boots in thanks for giving you an ounce of my time. I am Justin Hartley; I have men and women tripping over themselves for a chance at the life I can give them. You should be thanking me for not telling you about the little brat! How do you even know that she was your child? Padalecki could be lying to you,” Justin sneered at Jensen.

Jensen didn’t realize he’d decided to throw the punch until his fist was connecting with the side of Justin’s cheek.

“Don’t you dare ever say that about Jared again! Jared is the most honest man I know. He would never cheat on me. Once he gives his heart it is forever. Jennifer was my daughter. It shows what kind of man you are that you are threatened by a little girl and my Jared.”

“Your Jared? I thought he wasn’t your anything. After all, you are planning on marrying me.” Justin felt a twinge of jealousy at Jensen's rather possessive claim over Jared.

Jensen snorted, "Yeah that ain't happening. Not in this lifetime."

"You can't be serious? You're going to give up the life I can offer you over a few lies I told? You must be joking. I thought you wanted to be someone?" Justin sneered at Jensen.

"I am someone. I was just too blinded by what I thought I wanted to see that what I needed was here waiting for me to get my head out of my ass. I want you out of my life! You think just because of who you are, that you have money and power, that you can walk all over people and not have to face the consequences. Well, you’re wrong!

“You seem to forget that you were a nobody before you met me! I made you, Jensen, and with a snap of my fingers I can unmake you,” Justin threatened.

Jensen lifted his chin and glared at Justin. “Go ahead, because truthfully I didn’t like the man I was with you. It’s time I start being Jensen Ackles, the man who Jennifer Padalecki-Ackles would have been proud to call papa. And to once again be the man who Jared loved with all his heart.”

If looks could kill, Jensen would have dropped dead from the force of Justin’s glare.

“If I walk out this door it’s over between the two of us. I don’t give second chances,” Justin warned.

“Goodbye Justin. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Jensen had never been more sure of something in his life than ridding himself of Justin Hartley.

Justin shoved passed Jensen. He would find a way to spin this to his advantage. He was Justin Hartley and he didn’t need Jensen Ackles.

Jensen took a deep breath as Justin left. Now he had to undo all the damage that Justin had done with Jared.

                                                                                                             *+++*

 

Ever since Jensen had told him that Chad was in love with Chris, Jared had been trying to see if he was right. It didn’t take him long to see what Jensen had seen. There was no denying it, Chad was in love with Chris. _‘How could I have missed this? Was I so blinded by my own pain that I didn’t see that Chad was giving up what he wanted?’_

“Hey man, how are you doing?” Chris asked as he joined Jared. Danneel had called them to let them know about Justin’s little visit.

Whatever Jared planned on saying, it certainly wasn’t, “Chad’s in love with you.”

Chris could only stare gobsmacked at Jared. That was unexpected. Before he could think of saying anything Jared continued on.

“Which is a good thing. You deserve to be with someone who can love you like you should be loved. You deserve to have someone who can give you their whole heart, not just a part of it. I wish I could say that man is me, but it's not. I want to love you, Chris, but I can’t. Jensen might not believe in soul mates or true love, but I do, and no matter what happened I know that he is the one for me. I can't let you settle for second place. You deserve someone who can give you their whole heart. You deserve to be someone's first and only choice.” Jared had no clue when he suddenly lost control of his mouth.

“We could have been great, Jared. But neither of us should settle for second best.” Cupping Jared’s face between his hands, Chris pressed a soft and gentle kiss to his lips.

Jared melted into the kiss. It had been so long since anyone had kissed him like that and he wanted to savor this moment for as long as it would last. The kiss lasted for several moments before ending on its own.

Chris smiled at he stroked Jared’s face. “Be happy, Jared. If you love Jensen then fight for it and I’ll try to do the same,” Chris whispered as he let Jared go.

Jared watched Chris go before his attention turned the envelope on his coffee table. He wondered if he was doing the right thing.

                                                                                                                          *+++*

 

JD Morgan stared at the young man who had broken the heart of his nephew. It was taking all of his willpower not to punch Jensen in the face.

“Well I’ll admit that you have guts, kid. Then again you always did. What do you want?” JD had been amazed that Jensen was brave enough to seek him out.

“I’m here to ask you for a favor. Justin Hartley, my former fiancé, did everything in his power to keep my family away from me, even going as far as to get a restraining order against them.” Jensen knew it was a gamble but one he had to take. He knew JD wasn’t his biggest fan.

“I’ll see what I can do. I’ll get Jim Beaver to look into it. The Hartley’s are some pretty powerful people. It won’t be easy to prove any of this. Is he the one who kept Jared from reaching you about Jennifer?” JD asked. He might not like Jensen all that much right now but he did not deserve to have his daughter kept from him like that.

Jensen swallowed hard. “Yeah, he was.”

JD gave a sharp nod. “Then I’ll do my best. And Jensen? You hurt Jared again and they’ll never find your body,” JD threatened.

Jensen smiled at the old threat. “I wouldn’t expect any less from you JD.”

 

                                                                                                                  *+++*

 

Jensen could see the surprise in Jared's eyes at the sight on him sitting on his front step. But it was Jensen's turn to be surprised when instead of being told to get lost like he thought Jared would say instead he received a, “Come on in, I have something for you.”

Jensen did not like the sound of that but followed Jared dutifully into the house.

Jared could barely look at Jensen, it hurt so much, but he forced himself to get the words out.

“He’s perfect for you Jensen. Justin is clearly everything you have ever wanted. I hope you two have a long and happy life with one another.”

Jensen felt the air knocked out of his chest as Jared pulled out signed divorce papers. He couldn’t believe it. Jared had signed them. He had given Jensen want he wanted. Yet as he looked at the papers that made him a free man, he found he didn’t like the idea as much as he did before. He didn’t want to be Jensen Ackles, ex-husband to Jared Padalecki-Ackles.

“You got what you came for Jensen, now please leave. It’s too hard to be around you and know that you’re not mine. I can’t do this again, I watched you walk away from me once, now it’s my turn. I have a chance at starting over. Maybe not with Chris, but someone. No one will ever be able to replace your heart, but I have to try.” It was breaking Jared’s heart to say this to Jensen but he wanted what was best for him.

A ripping sound had Jared’s head shooting up and his jaw dropped open in shock as Jensen tore the papers in half.

“Jensen? I don’t understand. Isn’t this what you wanted?”

“I’ve made mistakes Jared. Some very big ones, but none are bigger than walking away from you and not getting a chance to meet Jennifer

“You hurt me, Jensen. Out of everyone in my life you were the one person that I believed would never hurt me. I don’t know if I can trust you again."

“Then let me earn back your trust, let me show you that I do love you as much as you love me. Jared, I had my doubts that I actually deserved you. I was scared that one day you would wake up and see you can do much better than me.  I once said you were my guiding star, that with you guiding me I would never lose my way. I lost sight of my light and lost my way and allowed another star to act as my guide. I foolishly believed that his light was shinier and brighter than yours. I allowed myself to be led astray.” Jensen couldn’t tell if he was reaching Jared and that scared him. There was a time he always could read what Jared was thinking.

Taking a chance Jensen moved in closer to Jared. “But his light was a false light, one designed to lead me further away from you and into the cold empty space he called home.  Without you to guide me I don’t like the man I have become. Be my guiding star once again. Help me to find your Jensen. I know he’s still in there somewhere. We’ll take this as slow as you want. I won’t push but I was wondering if you could tell me about Jennifer. My parents offered but I would like to hear about her from you.”

“We had a daughter. She was the most beautiful, amazing little girl. She was a light in this world. I wish you could have met her. You would have loved her. I told her all about you and she adored her papa.” Jensen settled in next to Jared and let him tell him all about their little girl. He would win back Jared no matter how long it took.

Jared looked up at Jensen shyly. "She had your eyes, the most amazing shade of emerald, they were brighter than any known jewel. She had my liveliness; she was a ball of pure energy.  She was our little angel. She adored being the center of everyone's attention. But she had her bad days and she could give you a run for your money on grumpy days. Jennifer had no problems letting people know when she was having a bad day. Once she figured out how to throw her stuffed animals I was hit in the nose more than once when our little princess wasn't happy." Jared felt his throat closing up just like it did every time that he talked about Jennifer.

Jensen could see the pain in Jared's eyes as he talked about their little girl, he could hear it in his voice, and he wished that he could do something to ease the pain Jared was going through. "I will live to the end of my days regretting never getting a chance to know her. I'm so sorry that you had to go through this alone."

For the first time since Jensen had returned Jared reached out and wrapped his arms around Jensen.

"It's not your fault Jensen. You were lied to and tricked by a greedy and selfish man. Jennifer might have never known you in person but she did know you. I told her stories of you. Her second word was papa. That’s what she called you and no one else had that honor. You are her father. I played her tapes of your singing and that was how she went to sleep, lulled by your voice. You were a part of her life and I will do my best to make sure she is a part of yours. Would you like to see some pictures?" Jared asked in a small voice.

Jensen reached out and took Jared's free hand in his. "I would like that. Thank you Jared for not cutting me out of her life even though you had every right to do so." He was amazed at how big Jared's heart was. He was a fool for thinking that his life could ever be better than what it is right now. Jared made him want to be a better person.

Jared shook his head. He could never do that to Jensen no matter how mad he was at him.

"No matter how hurt or angry I was with you, I could never do that to you. You had a right to be a part of Jennifer's life. And it eased the pain a little remembering the good times between us. She seemed to have our love of stars and I had plans to set up our old telescope when she was old enough and teach her all I know."

"You're a better man than me, Jared Padalecki," Jensen admitted. It felt wrong not adding Ackles at the end but he didn't know if Jared had kept his name or not. 

"Padalecki-Ackles," Jared whispered in a soft voice, a dark blush painting his cheeks. He had never given up his last name, he had planned on hanging onto it until the very end.

Something in Jensen surged with possessiveness at the knowledge that Jared was still his. He couldn't stop himself from reaching up and stroked Jared's lower lip.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to ensure that I prove to you that I'm serious about a second chance. I want to make this up to you and I will," Jensen vowed.

Jared knew Jensen and he was not one to break a vow. He was sure that his estranged husband was going to make it up to him and gain his trust back. "I know you will Jensen. Would you like to see those pictures of Jennifer, now?"

Jensen swallowed thickly. "I would like that."

Jared squeezed Jensen's hand before climbing to his feet and heading over to the book shelf. He pulled out a rather thick photo album, returned back to Jensen's side, and opened the album so that he and Jensen could both look at it.

The first picture was of a heavily-pregnant Jared with Danneel and Mackenzie next to him holding a sign that said 'It's a girl!' Jensen had always thought that Jared would look breathtaking pregnant. These photos proved it. _'How I wish I had been here to see his baby bump.'_

"It wasn't the easiest pregnancy. That's why Misha put me on bed rest. I was pretty much a weak kitten. If it wasn't for Danneel and Chris I would have been driven insane at the time. I'm sure someone told you about my attempt at killing myself," Jared whispered, ashamed of what he had done.

Jensen blinked at the sudden change of subject. One look at Jared and he could see the pain and shame in Jared's eyes. "Hey, I will not blame you for anything you did. I am the last person who has the right to judge you. My mom told me a little about what happened and I'm glad that you failed. I'm glad that Chris was here to save you when I couldn't."

"I was in a dark place. Losing Jennifer made me feel like there was nothing left. I couldn't understand why I wasn't worthy of love, why I kept losing those I love the most. I felt like there was nothing left for me to live for on earth. I thought everyone would be better off without me and I didn't want to hurt anymore. I didn't want to have to watch those I love and care for leave me again," Jared admitted with tears in his eyes.

"I'm glad you’re still here. This world would have been a much darker place without you in it. I promise, Jared, that I will never make you feel that way again." Jensen knew it was a very big promise but there was no way he was going to break it.

Needing a break from the sudden darkness that engulfed them, Jared gave Jensen a small smile it wasn't his normal dimpled smile but still it was a real smile. "Would you like to see our daughter?" Jared asked his fingers ready to flip past the pages of him pregnant. He could see that it would be tough for Jensen to see him pregnant with their child. It was another reminder of what he had missed out on.

Jensen saw what Jared was up to and knew another person would have not offered to flip through that. It hurt to see a reminder of what he had missed, but he hoped that someday he would get to see Jared like that again. "I would love to."

Jensen had thought he was prepared to see the first picture of his little girl but when Jared flipped to show a page full of baby pictures Jensen's breath caught.

"She had your dimples," was the only thing Jensen could say. “And your curly hair.” Jensen felt his throat close up as he noticed the head full of dark curly hair.

Jared swallowed hard as he watched Jensen reach out a shaky hand and slowly stroke one of Jennifer's pictures. It was one of Jared's favorites. It was Jennifer's first Halloween and even though she wasn't old enough to remember it Jared had dressed her up in the most adorable little lady bug costume he had found. Her smile was large; she was so full of life, a life that was cut short.

The sound of Jared's choked sob had Jensen's head flying up. There was nothing Jensen hated more than the sight of Jared in tears.

"Why was our little girl taken from us? No parent should have to bury their child," Jared choked out.

Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared and pulled him close. He pressed a kiss onto the top of Jared's head. "I don't know, baby. I don’t know.”

Together the two men mourned the little girl that had been taken from their lives all too soon. 

 

                                                                                                                   *+++*

 

Danneel Harris’ glare could make grown man quake in their shoes. Being the target of that glare,  Jared never wanted to be on her bad side, which is where unfortunately Jensen found himself at the top of Danneel's list.

"So you think now that you've kicked your Sugar Daddy to the side you can just waltz right back in here and pick up where you left off with Jared like nothing happened? That you didn't toss him aside when something better came along? How do we know that you won't do this again?" Danneel demanded to know as she stared them down.

Jared groaned, sinking into his seat at _Ferris_. He had tried to tell Jensen that this wasn't a good idea. If they had lunch at Sam's diner it wouldn't take long for word to get out. Jared wanted to keep their attempt at reconciliation a secret. Not that he was ashamed of trying to work on his relationship with Jensen. No, this was a dream come true. But Jared did have valid reasons. For one, he wanted a little alone time with Jensen after telling him about their little girl. But most importantly, he was worried about their friends. Jared knew that his friends meant well, it's just that they were a little overprotective. 

Jared saw Jensen flinch and he’d had enough. "Danni," Jared whispered in a soft voice.

Danneel's gaze shot to Jared's and her eyes softened.

"Jared, I'm just looking out for you. I can't see you like that again," Danneel admitted in a soft voice.

Pushing away from the table Jared got up and wrapped his arms around Danneel.

"I know, and I love you for it, but Jensen is sorry and he wants to make us work. I have to take this chance even if it does end up with me getting my heart broken again. I love him. I don't expect you to understand or like my decision but it is mine to make." Jared pleaded with Danneel to understand.

Danneel wanted to lock Jared up away from everything that could harm him and that included Jensen.

"Just be careful sweetie. I hope it works out for you," Danneel whispered into Jared's ear. Pulling back, she cast one more glare at Jensen. "If you hurt Jared again I will make sure that no one ever finds your body."

Jensen's gaze didn't meet Danneel's but stayed on Jared's, "I swear to you that I will do my best to never hurt Jared like that again."

Danneel looked between the two men. Sensing that this was something she really shouldn't be a part of, Danneel released Jared.

"I'll be keeping a close eye on you, Jensen Ackles, and if you look to be doing something stupid I will knock some sense in you."

This time Jensen did look at Danneel, "I'm counting on that."

Jared and Jensen watched as Danneel took her leave.

"Well at least Danni is done and she was probably the scariest. It should be easy to tell the others about us," Jared commented and it took all of Jensen's willpower not to bang his head against the table.

 

                                                                                                                    *+++*

 

It wasn’t easy dating with the whole town basically watching you to make sure you didn’t fail. Which made Jared appreciate the attempts Jensen was making even if it did mean that Jensen found himself on double dates with Danneel and Steve, and Chris and Chad. And yeah, it was more than weird being on a double date with your former best friend who had feelings for the estranged husband that you were trying to win back. It also didn’t help that Chad would get this evil-looking gleam in his eyes every time he suggested they go bowling. Jensen figured he planned on dropping a bowling ball on his foot or something.

Jared could feel the tension between Jensen and Chris. Chad wasn’t helping any by antagonizing Jensen. Jared knew that his friends wouldn’t make it easy for Jensen to gain their forgiveness but he had hoped that they would at least try. Jensen was making an effort and he couldn’t understand why the others weren’t.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m okay with this Jared. I don’t need their support not when I have you in my corner cheering me on.”

Jensen could see the tension building in Jared’s shoulders. Jensen didn’t need the others approval. He had Jared’s support and that was all that mattered to him. But he could see the lack of support was getting to Jared.

Jared shook his head, his hazel eyes full of sadness.

“No. You shouldn’t have to put up with this. You made mistakes but you’re trying to make it up to me. If I’m willing to give you a second chance so should they. Why can’t they at least pretend to be okay with us?” Jared asked in a soft tone.

If there was one thing that really Jensen really hated was seeing Jared sad or in pain of any kind. He knows that he was the root of a lot of pain and hurt in Jared's life recently but he would be damned if he sat back and watched Jared's friends hurt him as well.

Squeezing Jared's hand Jensen turned to pin Chris and Chad with a steely eyed gaze.

"Alright, I know I have to prove myself to you all before you will trust me not to hurt Jared again. But for his sake do you think you could cool it with the hate? Don't you see how much it is hurting Jared? If you really cared for him you would put him first."

Chris hadn't fooled himself into thinking that Jared would ever be truly over Jensen. How many times had he heard Jared say that Jensen was his soul mate, his one true love? He hadn't meant to fall for Jared in the first place, but the longer Jensen stayed away the more Chris had hoped that maybe someday Jared might be able to move on from Jensen. He might not ever be able to fully understand how or why Jensen managed to walk away from Jared for so long. Anyone with eyes could see that Jared and Jensen just fit, they were two halves of the same soul; they were meant to be together.

Chris studied the man glaring at them for upsetting Jared and he knew in an instant that this was the Jensen he had known since childhood. This Jensen defended Jared with every breath he took, was a possessive and overprotective son of a bitch. Chris grinned at Jensen, happy that his friend was back but still feeling that ache of what might have been with Jared as he punched Jensen in the arm, “Welcome back, jerk. It took you long enough to come to your senses.”

Jared would never understand why Jensen and Chris always showed affection for one another by punching the other in the shoulder or arm.

“Thank you Chris, for everything,” Jared whispered. He knew that Chris didn’t have to be the bigger man here. He didn’t have to show Jensen any kind of friendship. If Jensen had followed through with his idea to get a divorce Jared might have eventually have ended up with Chris.

Chris’ smile was soft and tender, a rare sight from the man. “I would have done my best to make you happy, Jared, but I would have never have made you smile the way only Jensen can. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

Jensen felt a mixture of jealousy and sadness. Jealous of the way Chris was looking at Jared like he was something precious, after all only he should be looking at Jared like that, and sadness knowing that if he hadn’t wised up and fought for Jared it would have been Chris here on a date with Jared. Maybe not today but someday.

Chris’ eyes shot to Jensen’s.

“You don’t deserve him and not many would be granted a second chance. Don’t mess it up.” Chris warned.

Jensen could hear the warning in Chris’ voice. If he messed this up, Chris was reminding him without words just who picked up the shattered pieces of Jared last time and would do so again.

Worried about how this might look to Chad, Jared chanced a glance at his best friend and was amazed to see that Chad didn’t look at all hurt by the reminder that Chris had feelings for him.

Knowing Jared as well as he did Chad wasn’t at all surprised to see Jared glancing at him worriedly, the question ‘are you all right?’ screaming in his eyes. _‘You always have such a big heart Jaybird.’_ Chad thought fondly as he winked at Jared, hoping his thoughts that he was okay with everything got across without words. When Jared relaxed slightly Chad knew his message was received.

\--

Chad was grateful for a friend like Jared. No matter what he always had his back. Even though Chris had a special place in Jared’s heart Chad knew that Jared would be on his side if this relationship didn’t work out. Chad wasn’t a fool. He knew that Chris couldn’t magically turn his feelings for Jared off with a flick of a switch, no his feelings were still there for Jared. All Chad could do was hope that Chris’ feelings for him might become more then what he felt for Jared.

Chris had approached him in typical Chris fashion.

_“Jared tells me you’re in love with me.”_

_Chad almost choked on air. Of all the things he expected to hear when he opened the door to his apartment, this wasn’t one of them. For a moment Chad could only stare slack-jawed at Chris. Once he regained the power of speech again the only sound he could make was an embarrassingly squeaked, “What?”_

_The corner of Chris’ mouth twitched up into the beginnings of a smile at Chad’s squeak. “You might be hanging around Jared there a little too much; you’re starting to sound like him,” Chris couldn’t help but point out. “So are you going to invite me in and we can continue this discussion in private?”_

_Terrified that he would squeak again, Chad could only nod his head and take a step back to allow Chris in. He was torn between wanting to kill his best friend and wanting to thank him for telling Chris something he never could. ‘At least tonight whatever happens I will know if Chris could ever feel the same as I do for him.’_

_Clearing his throat a few times Chad was grateful when he managed to form words and not squeak, “Would you like a beer?”_

_Chris could see that Chad was nervous but trying his best and failing not to show it, he figured Chad getting a beer would give him a moment to collect himself._

_"Yeah, that would be great." Chris didn’t think he'd ever seen Chad move as fast as he did to get a beer, it was pretty impressive. But it wouldn't do them any good if Chad was afraid of him. "This isn't going to be as easy as I first thought," Chris hung his head as he tried to think of away to approach Chad without scaring him off._

_In the kitchen Chad was having a minor freak out, his hands shaking as he pulled out two bottle of beers from his fridge. He eyed the phone. Part of him wanted to pick it up and call Jared and tell him how he felt about him sticking his nose where it didn’t belong, but at the same time he knew that Jared was a soft-hearted fool and only wanted those he cared about to be happy._

_"No one can stay mad at that big puppy, especially when he breaks out those blasted puppy eyes of doom," Chad grumbled to himself. 'Alright Chad time to man up, you can do this.' "It's time to stop hiding in the kitchen like a coward." Squaring his shoulders, Chad walked confidently back into his living room and came to a stop as he saw Chris looking as lost as he was._

_"Look man, I don't expect you to return my feelings. Anyone can see that you're in love with Jared and that's why I kept my mouth shut," Chad explained as he approached Chris holding out his bottle._

_"And everyone can see that Jared is still in love with Jensen and once Jensen starts fighting to win back Jared, Jared won't see anyone else," Chris muttered feeling utterly sorry for himself._

_And suddenly Chad was pissed off. "So you came running to second best is that it? Why do you think I never told you how I felt? I refused to be a pity choice or someone's second choice. I have my pride and self worth. So if you think that I'm just going to accept that then you have another think coming. If you want a booty call, I suggest you hit up a bar," Chad declared crossing his arms over his chest._

_Chris blinked at the sudden anger that was spewing and after a moment to reflect he wanted to punch himself. 'Could I have sounded any more like a douchebag?' Chris asked himself. He had some serious damage to undo._

_"Hey, I didn't mean it like that. Chad, you could never be anyone's second choice. You would never let anyone use you like that. And I'm not here because you are the second choice or the easy choice. I will not lie. Yeah I have feelings for Jared, I've had them for a while but I've always known that Jared would never be mine because he belonged to Jensen even when Jensen didn't realise it."_

_Putting down his beer and climbing to his feet Chris approached Chad carefully as if he was one of his frightened horses. "I can't tell you for sure what you mean to me but I know that you would never be a second choice for me, nor would I date you out of pity. I can't offer you much Chad but I can at least try, if you'll give me the chance," Chris pleaded softly with Chad._

_Chad stared at Chris, long and hard studying the man for several moments, forcing himself not to smile as Chris started to shift from foot to foot. He was making Christian Kane nervous, something that Chad had rarely seen. "Alright Kane, here's the deal. We take it slowly, start out as friends doing stuff together and if it moves on beyond that then we still take it slow and if it doesn't at least we remain friends," Chad offered Chris._

_Chris gave Chad a small rare but true smile. "I can live with that."_

Of course their first date would have to be a double date with Jensen and Jared, not that Chad minded. Someone needed to keep an eye on his boy Jared.

“Well now that this is settled how about Danni and I whoop all of your asses at this game. Let's face it. You all suck," Steve spoke up as he and Danneel joined the foursome.

Chris could only stare at his friends before his eyes narrowed. "How long have you two been here?" Bowling wasn't his game and the only reason he agreed to this was because Jared had looked so hopeful.

Danneel grin was pure wicked. "Long enough to see that you have no business being in a bowling alley. I'm surprised that they let you near one. You are a danger to everyone around you with a bowling ball. And frankly you suck. There was no way that I was missing that. Come on boys, let me show you how it is done."

"Sorry our date got crashed by the others, I had hoped that tonight could have just been about us,” Jared whispered softly so that only Jensen would hear him.

Jensen gave Jared a heart-stopping smile. "Hey, no worries. We can always try again. They can't crash every single one." They could try but it was not going to happen. Jensen would get some alone time with Jared no matter what it took.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

It had taken a while and a lot of talking before Jared felt that Jensen was serious about winning him back, but Jensen had been determined he was dead set on proving to not only Jared but to the rest of the town that he was serious about winning Jared back. Six months ago the two had renewed their vows in a ceremony that Jensen was still convinced the entire town turned out to despite the plan for just a private and small ceremony. But Jensen wanted everyone to know just who Jared belong to.

He still remembered how Jared looked. Jared was always breathtaking, but that day he had turned Jensen into a stuttering and bumbling mess. The black tux had fitted Jared perfectly and the shy but loving smile Jared had given him as he walked down the aisle made Jensen fall in love with Jared all over again

Jensen had needed to make sure that Jared knew just how much he had meant to him and with a lot of searching Jensen found the right saying and made sure he included it in his vows. Jared had been in tears as Jensen had used one of Jared's favorite quotes about soul mates in his vows.

_“A soul mate is someone who has the locks to fit our keys and the keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and also for whom we’re pretending to be. Each of us unveils the best part of one another. With that one person, we’re safe, with that one person, we’re whole.”_

Jensen certainly hadn't minded Jared being unable to stop himself when he threw himself on Jensen and covered his face with kisses all the while murmuring how much he loved Jensen. Of course Jensen had to return the kisses and maybe his hands did wander and things got a little heated. Jensen had been close to ravishing Jared then and there. If it hadn't been for the rather amused priest asking them if they could please contain themselves until after he finished marrying them, he might have. Jared had blushed adorably and apologised and the only way that Jensen kept himself from jumping Jared was to remind himself that his family and Jared's uncle were here. He was a possessive bastard when it comes to Jared and he refused to share Jared’s bare skin with anyone.

But if they disappeared for a little while at their wedding reception well no one said a word.

JD Morgan and Jim Beaver had worked tirelessly to find enough proof that Justin had kept Jensen’s family away. Justin had even bribed a judge for the restraining order that kept his family from contacting him. Jensen had taken a copy of everything to Justin and threatened the man that he would go public with this info if he dared to try come after his family again.

Of course two months later Justin had a whole other set of problems. Erica Durance had gone to People magazine with the story that she was pregnant with Justin’s child, a child that they conceived when she was working on planning his wedding to Jensen. Suddenly Justin was no longer the injured party in the ending of his and Jensen’s relationship.

Jensen loved waking up earlier than Jared. He loved lying in bed next to him, taking in the view of his sleeping husband, and he especially loved the sight of Jared's swollen belly bared to his sight.

"Hey, babies, how are we doing this morning?" Jensen asked in a soft whisper as he ran his hands over Jared's stomach, smiling as he felt several flutters and kicks against his hands.

Jensen still remembered how nervous Jared had been to tell him the news.

_Jared had been odd all day. He was jumpy and casting glances at Jensen, when he thought Jensen wasn’t looking, Jensen didn’t want to push him. He knew that Jared would tell him in time. The time turned out to be later that night when they were curled up on the couch._

_“I’m pregnant,” Jared whispered, almost afraid of Jensen’s reaction._

_A bright smile appeared on Jensen’s face as he pulled Jared into a kiss. “Baby, that’s awesome.”_

_“My baby is having my baby,” Jensen murmured as he pressed kisses alongside Jared's neck, his hands find their way to Jared's still-flat stomach. He rested them there knowing that beneath his fingertips his baby was growing. "This is the best news ever, Jay. I couldn't be happier."_

They would never forget Jennifer. Jared had made sure that Jensen learned all he could of his daughter but there were times when Jared didn’t think it was enough. Now with this new pregnancy Jensen could be there for everything.

Jensen treated him like a king, going to his doctor’s appointments with him, massaging his feet and his back, running him lovely bubble baths and even going out at midnight to get his hormonal lover a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. No one was more surprised or happier when Doctor Collins, ‘ _call me Misha’_ , had informed them that they were having twins. Of course Jensen could have done without Misha's endless flirting with his Jared. The day after that particularly eventful visit to the doctor’s office Jensen had strutted around like a proud peacock sharing the news with anyone who stood still long enough to listen. 

Jared carded his fingers through Jensen’s soft hair as he watched his husband continue to gently rub and scratch his belly. With two babies growing in one small space, his skin was stretched quite taut already and when Jensen grabbed the cocoa butter from their night table and started massaging it in, Jared’s groans of pleasure became almost orgasmic.

“Hey, look at this,” Jensen whispered, drawing his husband’s attention to his belly. “Watch.” He stroked one spot again and immediately their babies started poking and prodding his hand like crazy, making Jared laugh. Just like him their children loved Jensen's touch.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" Jared told Jensen, mesmerised by the pure joy shining in Jensen’s eyes.

“All the time, but hearing it a few more times a day wouldn’t bother me." Jensen grinned up at Jared and waggled his eyebrows earning a hearty laugh from Jared. Desire suddenly flared in the older man’s eyes and he surged upwards, intent on ravishing his oh-so-sexy husband.

“We have no time. We’re supposed to be meeting the others to finalize Chris and Chad’s wedding, and a pregnant Danneel is a scary,” Jared reminded Jensen.

The pout that graced Jensen’s face would have made any child proud. “But I don’t want to go! I want to stay in bed with you. I want to kiss every inch of your body and make slow and sweet love to you until we are too tired to move,” Jensen purred out as he rubbed his hand up and down Jared’s arm, while giving him his best set of bedroom eyes.

A traitorous moan escaped Jared’s lips. He loved the picture that Jensen was painting and he wanted nothing more than to do that. “Later I promise that you can take me to the stars when we get back, because we both know that Danneel will and has walked in on us having fun and refused to let us finish,” Jared reminded Jensen.

Jensen scowled at the reminder. It was kind of hard to make love to his husband when Danneel was standing in the doorway offering unneeded tips and comments. “Fine, we’ll go if only to keep her out of our bedroom. And I don't need the stars, not when I have you."

Happiness can be a fleeting thing. Jensen had believed that at one time; that happily ever after only belonged in the fairytales. He had been so wrong and he would always regret the pain he had caused Jared. But now he liked to think he was older and a little wiser. He didn’t need to be a big shot to be important. All he needed was Jared, their future children, and his family and friends. To them he was a someone and that was all he wanted,                                                                    

                                                                                                                                  *+++*

 

Danneel didn't bother to hide her grin as Jensen scowled at her while he escorted a waddling Jared up the stairs. She wasn’t a fool. She knew Jensen would rather be back in bed with Jared.

"You know, I didn't think it was possible but Jensen has become even more of a possessive bastard when it comes to Jared," Steve said, giving voice to Danneel's thoughts.

Danneel snorted. "Please. If Jensen had it his way he would never let Jared out of their bed. I heard he nearly took off Misha's head when he flirted a little too much with Jared. You can’t tell me you have already forgotten how Jared was limping after that guy Stephen hit on him. We didn’t see them for almost a week.” She would be worried about how possessive Jensen seemed to be over Jared, but Jared seemed to enjoy Jensen's possessiveness almost taking it as a sign that Jensen really wasn't going anywhere, that this time he was here to stay.

It was no wonder that Jared ended up pregnant again so soon, Danneel had actually thrown a bucket of water on Jensen when he got a little too frisky with Jared at the picnic they had thrown.

They all suspected that Jared was pregnant before he and Jensen got remarried but none of them said anything. JD had glared daggers at Jensen for a month after they announced Jared’s pregnancy.

They quickly learned that Jared was very sensitive about his weight. Jensen became even more growly and would punch someone in the face if they made a comment, a lesson that only had to be taught once when Chad made a joke. The next thing they knew Jared was crying and Steve was pulling a snarling Jensen off of Chad while trying to keep Chris from jumping Jensen

“Oh stop snarling. It’s only for a little while then you can go back home and hide Jared away from us for another week,” Danneel muttered as she smacked Jensen on the shoulder before reaching over and hugging him. “And how are my future god babies doing today?”

Jared smiled at Danneel and Steve. “They are doing just fine. How is my future goddaughter doing today?”

Danneel sighed, "Kicking up a storm. I will be so grateful when she gets here if only to stop her from using my bladder as a football. She only seems to be able to settle down when Steve is talking to her. Not even born and she's already declared she's a daddy's girl." Danneel shot a look at Steve who tried and failed to look like he wasn't pleased at that outcome.

A sharp jab to Steve's side wiped away his smile a little as he bent his head and kissed Danneel on her cheek.  "Sorry dear, we both know that she will be my little princess and she already knows that I will spoil her rotten."

Steve had a point but it didn't mean that she was going to let him off the hook. She rather enjoyed having him waiting on her hand and foot. She was going to miss that once this little one was born. "Come on. Chad refuses to do anything without you here, Jared. He wants your wise advise."

That had Jensen scowling, "Only for a little while. Jared is supposed to be taking it easy after all."

Okay so he might, and he stressed the might part, be a little overprotective of Jared but he didn't get to do this last time and he was possibly making up for it.

Danneel waved her hand about. "Of course we won't be that long. No one wants to piss off the two pregnant people by making us wait. Trust me, we will be in and out in no time," Danneel promised.

Jensen would give it an hour at the most and then he would call it quits and drag Jared home. He wasn't going to let anyone wear out Jared, unless it was him. He knew that Jared rather liked all the ways he came up with to wear him out.

Jared felt his cheeks heat up at the way Jensen was looking at him. It never failed to make him feel like he was the most important man in the world.

"Uggh, can you two please be sickening together somewhere else? This is my day not another day in the life of J2," Chad complained. He was happy for Jared but really those two were even worse this time around than they were the first time together, something he hadn't thought was possible.

Jared blushed and shuffled closer to Jensen who happily looped a protective arm around Jared's waist. Jensen teased, "It's not my fault that you and Chris aren't as okay with public displays of affection."

That had Chad snorting, "What you two do is a little more than cuddling and kissing, or are you forgetting all about the football field?" Chad had only ever seen Jared turn that shade of red once and that was when the two had decided to recreate their youth by getting frisky under the bleachers. That day Chad saw way too much of his best friend and just how Jared liked to take it from Jensen.

Jared could feel his face burning. That had been a slightly humiliating experience made worse by his uncle being among the crowd as well. Jared might have promised his uncle that they would never do anything like that again. There were plenty of other places but Jared couldn't deny he enjoyed the thrill of nearly being caught.

"No sex in the church," Chris reminded Jensen as he passed by him. He wouldn't put it past Jensen to try such a thing. It was next to impossible for him to keep his hands off of Jared. It seemed liked Jensen was making up for lost time.

Jensen's lips twitched into a smirk. "Trust me,  I'll do my best but I make no promises." Jensen’s gaze drifted over to Jared and a look of deep love entered his eyes. "Look at him. He's glowing."

Chris didn't need to look at Jared to see that what Jensen said was the truth, Jared had glowed in his first pregnancy with Jennifer but in this one he had an even brighter glow and Chris had no doubt it had to do with Jensen being there for this one. "Yeah man he is." A year ago Chris would have threatened Jensen if he hurt Jared no one would ever find his body but this Jensen was different then before he left, this Jensen had finally figured out that his place in the world was wherever Jared was. Chris slapped Jensen on the back.  "Come on man the faster we get this over with the faster you can get your boy home to rest."

                                                                                                                              *+++*

 

A month before the wedding Steve and Danneel welcomed little Rose Carlson into the world. She quickly became the apple of her parents’ eyes and firmly declared herself a daddy's girl once she realised all she had to do was make a sound and her dad came running.

Despite what Danneel wanted, Chad and Chris opted for a smaller wedding. They didn't want anything over the top and Chad was determined that Jared and Danneel be a part of the wedding day. So after triple-checking with Misha to ensure the dates of both babies’ births the wedding was planned for before they were supposed to arrive. Jared complained that he waddled and looked like a beached whale, but Chad was convinced he only said that because it led Jensen to praise him and worship him with kisses.

Note the supposed to part.

It would be just like any child of Jensen and Jared's to do things their way.

It took a lot of amazing acting from Jared to hide the fact that he was having contractions all day from his eagle-eyed husband. He had pleaded with the babies to let him get through the wedding and maybe have a piece of that delicious chocolate cake before he had to tell everyone that the twins wanted to come now.

Clearly the twins were not down with that plan, which was a shame because it was really good cake. 

The wedding was going off without a hitch. The pastor had just asked if anyone had any reason why these two should not be wed speak now or forever hold their peace when Jared felt a stronger pain than before and could no longer hold back his gasp of pain.

All eyes flew to Jared.

"Jaybird, you know I love you, but please do not tell me that you are in labor right now and didn't think to tell anyone," Chad demanded. He knew his best friend and it would be such a Jared thing to do.

Jared smiled weakly at Chad. "Surprise," he muttered not daring to glance at his husband.

"Jared, how long have you been in labor?" Jensen growled out as he climbed to his feet.

Jared let out a weak, "All morning." He should have known how important Chad and Chris' day was to Jared. His husband was so stubborn, he would get through it if he thought he had enough time.

"We need a car and someone needs to alert Collins that we are on our way," Jensen barked out as he helped Jared to his feet.

Danneel whipped out her phone and started issuing threats of what would happen if no one patched her through to Misha right that second, while Steve, Chris and Chad aided Jensen. Chris and Chad came to an unspoken agreement that the wedding would be postponed. Neither wished to go through it without Jared there as a part of it. It wouldn't feel right. 

"Of course your kids would have to be the center of attention," Chad joked and he made sure that Jared saw his smile. The last thing he wanted was for Jared to think that he really did blame him for this.

Jared smiled at Chad before reaching out for Jensen's hand. "Are you ready to become a daddy?" he asked his husband.

Jensen brushed a kiss against Jared's temple. "I am."

He had been both dreading and longing for this day to happen and now that it looked like it was on its way he only hoped that he did at least a decent job at being a dad. He didn't have the greatest track record when it came to this kind of thing.

As if sensing Jensen's negative thought Jared squeezed his hand. "Hey, you are going to do great. They already love you."

"Alright, enough of this mushy stuff. We need to get Jared to the hospital or else these babies will be coming in the church because they sure as heck won't be born in my car. Plus I want a front row seat to watch him cursing out Jensen," Chris grouched good naturedly as they moved as fast as they could down the aisle with Jared in labor.

Jensen smiled goofily at Jared. "He can curse me out anytime. He's utterly adorable when he does." Everything about Jared was adorable and he hoped the twins inherited that from their dad along with his belief in love.

The other three did their best to ignore the love fest happening next to them. They knew that it was Jensen's way of coping with seeing Jared in pain.

The ride to the hospital was a nerve-racking one. Jensen snarled at Chris for every bump they hit which caused Jared to cry out. Chris got his wish when Jared cursed out Jensen and then broke down crying telling Jensen he didn't mean it and that he loved him with all his heart. It was several hours of this before Caitlyn Elizabeth Ackles-Padalecki made her debut into the world, showing off her rather impressive set of lungs, followed by her brother Tristan Ross who wasn't as loud as his sister.

Jensen could only gaze in awe at the tiny bodies cradled in his and Jared's arms. He held Caitlyn close to his body and breathed in the scent of that new baby smell before glancing over at Jared who held a rather content Tristan in his arms. Tristan was quieter than his sister unless you tried to take him from Jared or Jensen. Then he showed off his lung power.

"They are perfect Jared. Thank you for this amazing gift."

Jared smiled tiredly up at Jensen.

"I didn't create these precious gifts alone. I think Jennifer would have loved them and no doubt been the best big sister ever."

It was still hard for Jared to talk about their little girl but he and Jensen had decided that Caitlyn and Tristan would know all about their big sister. She might be gone from this world but she was still very much a part of their lives and a part of their family.

Shifting carefully on the bed, Jensen wished he could wipe the tears from Jared's eyes but feared dropping Caitlyn if he moved his hands.

"Jay, I have no doubt that she would have been the best big sister ever. We'll make sure that they know all about her. We won't forget Jennifer or the impact she had in our lives," Jensen promised.

It had hit Jensen hard when he first got to hold Caitlyn. He was reminded that he never once got to hold Jennifer like this . It was a deep pain that would never truly heal but he had been granted a second chance with Jared and as a father. This time he would not miss a moment. He had gone searching for his star not realising that it was right here with Jared and their children. This was his happily ever after and he wasn’t going to let it slip through his fingers a second time.

The End


End file.
